Author: veeskitchen

Posted in Food For Soul

Retirement Homes: Boon Or Bane?

Posted on by veeskitchen

This post of mine is from July 15, 2015. I am not editing it to see how my mind worked in 2015 😀

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Who wants to have her Mother-In-Law home today. I would like a break myself perhaps had I not lost my mother in an young age. May be that tempered me into hosting her – which I consider is a privilege. I am human, at times I long for privacy and she does wear me out, but at the end of the day I guess this is one cherished treasure I could be leaving behind for my son… a precious something… I remind myself, my MIL is not my MIL but my husband’s mother. I was thinking whether we parents would be happy if our son might be sending us some greenbacks from wherever he will be working/living in future. Is that what parents seek? In modern world where mostly the elderly are either pensioners or somewhat financially sound, what shall they want from their children?

The first question anyone who comes home asks me is: YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW IS WITH YOU?!

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A friend’s widowed mother recently got for herself a condominium (retirement home) at a cost of 75 lacs bucks plus annual maintenance charges running into thousands of rupees per year very much to the chagrin and disappointment of her 2 married and well-settled daughters. Whats more, the lady who is a retired govt teacher, kept her family in the dark about her intentions. That really set me thinking.

My views on old age homes are coloured by what I saw in Malaysia. Malaysia was a real learning period in my life in many ways. Upto 60 years or so the chinese there worked hard. Bought themselves a home (as primary investment) and also a condo in highlands (hill-stations) (for a second loan/secondary investment) to settle down on retirement .

One such a posh retirement village comprising some 100 luxurious condos in Camaroon highlands or somewhere got swept under landslides common in these regions. So that is when I came to know what a lifestyle the retired enjoy in peace in the sunset of their lives, in better-off circles. Later I learned this is a universal phenomenon in ‘mature’ societies like we have in the first & second worlds.

Not every elderly settlement is expensive though. There is a range of retirement homes to suit your budget you can comfortably choose from. And you may opt to live in the heart of the city or pack your bags to quiet nests under mother earth’s shadow.

A mature society boasts of a happy contented senior citizen population

The retired folks happily make the condos their home. A lesson for aging parents in India: the retirees do not leave with their children the burden of guilt. Its a wise decision taken in one’s prime years that works fine with everyone The grandparents graciously leave the centerstage and enrich the evening of their lives in the company of peers playing shuttle, going for swimming and long walks, reading in libraries and attending concerts – in harmony with nature. There is 24 hour in-house doctor on call. No wonder Malaysian chinese live upto 100 years.

Many of our chinese friends were scrupulously saving for their second home – a condo. It also helps that Malaysian cost of living is cheaper than Indian and real estate in Malaysia is not as steep as in India either. Homes are affordable – and yes, even a week-end getaway or a luxury condo. Everyone is able to pay off their first housing loans/car loans by 35-36 years, eligible for an add-on or a second loan by their 40th year.

THE GENE FACTOR – FAMILY VALUES

Whereas we Indians are Indians anywhere & everywhere. Malaysian tamils, most of them, have no connection whatsoever with mainland India. Their ancestors migrated over 150-200 years back. Some do fly down to the south (mostly to Tamil Nadu) (or whichever part of India they are from – a small percentage this is, like Punjabis & Mallus for instance) but by and large they see India only in tv and pictures and books and media.

Yet its a surprise our temples and cuisines (although murdered beyond recognition) and traditions and some typically ‘Indian’ ways of life/culture are preserved until this generation in Malaysia.

First and foremost 0ne that was most striking to me about Malaysian Indian families was their joint-family set-up. Even the MIL-SIL issue was there (to my satisfaction hahaha)! Like in India, the joint families were beginning to give up as nuclear families were already happening, yet the joint family remained intact in many homes.

Next, Indians were in the habit of hoarding real estate properties – houses typically. Indians owned maximum houses in KL, Penang, etc because when others like Malays & Chinese stopped buying with their second wanting to enjoy life, our tamil/Indian bros and sisters went on acquiring their 3rd, 4th and 5th homes & even landed estates. Rentals added to Indian homes’ pooled income naturally! (Seeing us I am told even chinese/malays are now buying more homes!) (The same is true of my Indian American friends who continue buying a string of homes in the US). Looks like this property hoarding/acquisition spree & rentals/leasing is in Indian genes  Holiday or Investment: Investment ofcourse!! Why should I blame others, I am preaching onething but practising something else for sure!

Our Indian friends were cutting back on expenses and saving diligently just like we keep doing in India for our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc etc. We never enjoy our lives quite, do we – atleast compared to our western counterparts. Among Indians, north Indians even there seem to spend better than us south Indians. South Indians prefer the charpoy over 4 poster kingsize mattress anyday looks like 

The idea of aged parents being sent to old age homes sounded preposterous (atleast until we were around) in the south east asian country (in Indian community).

But I truly liked the condos concept. Senior citizens in developed countries, unlike our Indian seniors, looked forward to spending their twilight years in peace in condominiums, away from the clutters of routine work/family life. With 24 hour security and doctor on duty, to me the condos seemed the ultimate you cannot miss out on. Sounded fun. Even the government fixed age of retirement in India is 58 years, stretched to 60 in the private sector.

Elderly couples opting for condo was such a cute thing. In 60s, mostly we have our children well-settled. They need us no more. May be we can extend our busy years until ’70 if we are lucky. And then what to do.

A retired life sans commitment…

The happy pictures of grannies & grandpas melted my heart. Because I know, we married people hardly have time to ourselves in our younger years. The kids come along, worklife gets demanding, socializing and partying and holidaying all have a fixed time schedule/limit whereas in retirement couples may find themselves truly relishing each other’s company having fulfilled their joint responsibilities together. It is like back-to-square-1 I thought.

Many of our friends in middle east have done the Bali, the New Zealand, the Kenya, the Eurorail and others. Without kids I mean. Somehow I could never bring myself to do that. May be in future I would in the safe knowledge that my son has better company to go see places with …

Most of my local friends share my sentiment. We have similar views on sending our children to dorms/hostel in UG etc. We are reluctant to let go of our children easily …

Now that all of us girls are in the same boat, we find that our grown-up children are adults who we no longer have to wait on. Neither do our kids need us anymore except for moral/economic support. Our young and eager fledglings are flexing their wings waiting to fly out of the nests someday. To those of us with a single kid, this is like a weight placed upon our hearts. Coming to terms with reality is difficult.

Attachment & Detachment

They say in Thamizh: Petha Manam Pithu, Pillai Manam Kallu.

Better we maintain the distance with our kids right from the start keeping in mind, they are not ours forever. Just like we stopped belonging to our parents long back (and in my case from too very long back). Those of my friends with a second kid are relieved they will have a few more ‘years’ to look forward to.

I know we Indian parents are a lot more sentimental than those from other parts of the world and our emotion is our children’s greatest spoiler. One of my friends is too very attached to her only son/child studying to become a professional and it really makes me think of cautioning her. Too much of attachment, somehow I feel, is not good. Either for the boy or for the mother. All hell may break lose in the heavens with a most trivial thing like the arrival of a daughter-in-law in the scene. I have known or rather learned to keep minimum attachments with those I love most because otherwise it hurts too much.

I liked the way of life in Malaysia/other developed nations where elders gave space to the younger  generation. Personally I wouldn’t want to suffocate anyone with too much of emotion. The affection is there in the heart and it will stay for this lifetime and beyond… I do cry at the drop of a hat but when it comes to my family, I try to steel myself and be prepared.

One of my friends who became a citizen of the USA took her in-laws to live with her. Her FIL passed away quietly in a nursing home in a distant state from her place after remaining a vegetable for over 2 years. Electric cremation to the 80 year old man without a sound who lived most of his life in India. I wonder about the purpose. The imposition on children, the anonymity of dying in a cold place hooked to the machines, everything.

Why not a home for the aged in India. There are many now. In last 20 years, Chennai, Coimbatore, Tanjore everywhere even within Tamil Nad we have excellent care centers and/or retirement homes for seniors. Why couldn’t my friend’s in-laws choose to live in one of them.

On one hand I agree, my friend’s husband was firm about wanting his parents to live with him in their old age. He felt it was his responsibility as a son to take care of his parents till they breathed last which is great. Yet as working professionals, the couple could not attend to the sick old man when his health deteriorated  so he finally had to be admitted to a nursing home for professional care and medical attention.

My friend carries a bit of guilt burden about this when there is indeed nothing bad to feel about. The couple did their duties to the fullest. But I think this thing about our parents stays stubborn in our conscience. Despite all that they could do to the old father, the husband-wife pair blame themselves for having had to send away their papa to the care center. Through this period, my friend had to put up with her sulking angry and unreasonable mother-in-law.

In India, yes, we always have 2 extremes or perhaps more.

Where relationships bondage you…

I have always felt that developed societies treated this retirement/nursing home issue with a refinement that comes with better education and emotional maturity. Relationships are not bondages in their circles. Rather they are relaxed and enjoyable without constricting anyone.

Or may be we Indian parents expect too much from our children because we give our children our lives like none other. Ours is one supreme sacrifice. From the moment a child is born he/she becomes the epicenter of the parents world.  There is no such a thing as twosome in Indian families. Its always 3some or 4some (in case of 2 kids) (rare to see over 2 kids in India except in muslim families where 3 is minimum). Where is the privacy between husband and wife. Children become our life. Children become our obsession. And then finally no wonder it gets all the more difficult for us to share our kids with their life partners. Parents start to look like the villains over a stage. Why cannot Indian parents ever learn to quit the scene quietly. I am also a parent – I am willing to give but expect to receive nothing in return. Where there is no expectation, how can there be any disappointment.

Interestingly I learned this lesson from my own MIL. At 77, she is a grand mother and mother of 5 successful kids. All her male children are working professionals good in their fields and the only daughter is married to a professional as well. All her grand kids are budding professionals as well and show promise of a great future. Yet I see her simplicity and broad mindedness in not taking anything for granted. And something much more none of us can resist: not taking credit for her children’s success. You have to be real generous to do that. Born with silver spoon, she travels by auto (rickshaw) just like me without a murmur, never claims any personal victory and has never boasted to any of us how successful she is in her life. Her sons and daughter have come to respect her and love her not fear her. Sometimes I think this is a reason even for her good health (touchwood).

Not getting too very involved in the children’s life is something only level-headed Indian parents can manage I guess. My MIL has such a maturity – to live with us in a joint family yet retain individuality without trampling on our privacy and independence at the same time. I really appreciate that and wish I could emulate her example in future. Any may be this is why I am having her with me.

Irony is, it is those who do not want their in-laws/parents with them today are the ones who cannot let go off their kids ever. Those who live in joint families on the other hand are mentally better prepared. In my observation.

PRIVACY, What? Excuse me, we are Indians!

But even with my MIL I remember when my FIL was around, they hardly spent any time together. Their lives went around their grandchildren in the second innings of their lives. When my FIL was there, I have asked them why they could not go on all-India tour or pilgrimage or just on a simple holiday as a couple. Not even beach or kutchery (music concerts)? But to my amazement, they lacked that kind of interest to step out anywhere as an elderly pair who had accomplished their domestic responsibilities to satisfaction. It always made me wonder whether aged couple wanting a moment of privacy is indecent or selfish or whatever. Is it unnatural?

Today when I see my MIL watching alone the tv soaps, I urge her to go to temples/kutcheries again but she is very disinterested. She gives me space but still is the queen bee of the family. While I respect it I also have this to say: the COMPLETE detachment I saw in Malaysian elderly is absent in not only my MIL but in all septuagenarians or octogenarians of India. Despite the space they allow us that is. Wanting to stay in-charge, never to be side-lined is a privilege that no Indian Mother-in-law seems to relinquish willingly. Or may be I am hoping for too much!

It is good for us in a way. We want her in a condo neither. We like her with us. But my MIL is lucky to have 4 sons/families staying in the city. (Its never the daughter’s responsibility believe me). How many of us could prove to be fortunate like her?

Old-age home is not a bad or cruel idea at all. For some its a dire necessity like for those whose kids are NRIs. For the destitute, there are homes supported by charity. One such is ‘Vishranthi’ – first of its kind to be founded in Chennai.

There are 2 sides to any coin: abusive in-laws/parents versus cruel daughters-in-law/sons-daughters. This underlying fact could be the governing principle when it comes to many choosing between joint and nuclear families.

What is an Old Age Home like? Atleast one run on charity?

A good friend of mine put in a strange request to me last week.   She lives in a neighbouring state.  Hers is a ‘rags to riches’ story.  She has this habit of calling her high school teacher every Teachers’ Day, i.e., on September 5th.  (My friend joined our school for the higher secondary course after completing high school in a different institution).   Born in a very poor and large family, today she has achieved a remarkable and enviable status in her personal and professional life. Says she, the hope instilled in her by her teacher in high school days  is the reason for what she is today.

My friend had called her teacher as usual this Teachers’ Day but found that the phone line was cut.  The old fashioned teacher hardly used a cell phone or gave her numbers to others.  My distraught friend therefore called me in great anxiety wanting to know what happened to the old teacher who was in her ’80s and lived by herself.

I made some enquiries in her old dwelling place and learned that the senior teacher had moved to an old age home run by the school she served for over 30 years zealously.  She had been taken ill and therefore decided to take up the offer by the institution.

Blessed with well-to-do brothers & sisters and happy families, the lady had refused offer of shelter from everyone of her kith & kin to make her old school old age home for women her final residence. The school is unique in that it supports destitute women in a wing from a charity trust.

For my friend’s sake I stepped into the home for the aged for the first time in my life. It smelled of antiseptic right from the reception giving me a sick feeling. I met the grand old teacher in a first floor compact suite with a small built-in kitchenette she hardly used. Bathrooms were shared or attached in bigger rooms. A small tv plugged into the wall was running noiseless pictures.

The lady told me she felt comfortable in the home that she had been living in for over 6 months. She opted for common kitchen food served in the dining. Or sometimes she ordered food to her room. Almost all residents were 75 plus she said and a majority were retired teachers like her without family support.  Some among them were infirm. The teacher herself had been a child bride in those days widowed in her teens without issue. She got her education on her widowhood and was allowed to work as a teacher by her family. She taught high school kids.

Talking to her for over 1 hour I was disarmed by her sense of peace and acceptance of her last days (she is fine now). She said she wanted to pass away in her school grounds – in familiar surroundings – that gave a meaning to her otherwise barren life. Her relatives came to see her on fortnightly visits.

She ate sparsely, she spent her time reading scriptures rather than watching tv but said her eyes were beginning to get weak. I told her about my mom and my aunt and the connection was instantaneous. Here was one woman who had also devoted her life to teaching.

I had gotten her some wholewheat crackers that she accepted. I called my friend from her room and both had a hearty talk. My friend was delighted and grateful that I tracked down her ageing miss. For me it was an utmost satisfying day. The visit to the old age home, the meeting with a senior citizen- a retired teacher who devoted her life to selfless service, seemed to subdue me with a kind of strange emotions. I felt I was at rare peace with myself. At that moment I knew I did good having my MIL. Today my deep anxiety is about what shall happen to her if I have to move with my husband in his workplace?

Finally saying good bye and walking through the school grounds, I looked back at the home for the aged, tucked behind the trees, almost invisible from the rest of the buildings. There wasn’t a clue there were about 2 dozen aged and sick awaiting their turn in those gray blocks. Some got visitors but not all.

Retirement/Old Age Home –  A conscious choice?

I never thought visiting an aged home would depress me that much. It did. I wondered whether all my previous ‘learned’ thinking on retirement homes/condos was like a mirage – unrealistic. Cold. Heartless. Could a home for the aged be so much lonely, miserable and bleak. But I got the distinct feeling with the teacher’s although she never admitted to me she found it depressing.

Or may be it is a figment of my imagination. One more reason I thought could be that, the home was managed by a charitable trust with limited funds. May be the wealthier ones like my friend’s mother got herself were better?

They were for a fact so far as I knew. Because once in OMR, the IT highway, we were looking for some real estate. We chanced upon a property that was already developed into a retirement home. It wasn’t quite the luxurious condo but adapted to Indian lifestyle conditions. There was a temple inside, bhajan halls, tennis court, walking tracks, gardens, dining halls and individual apartments & security and a medical clinic. Guess it was some 15 years back. Now the place is sold out and the brand name has earned a high respect among senior citizens.

I thought the cluster of retirement homes was far better than the gated-community/enclave. In old age, the homes gave privacy not seclusion to its occupants. Safety and medical help were at arm’s reach.

Now I come to learn there are over a dozen in and around the city serving the grand old at various budgets. You may choose the facilities and opt for one as per your finance status.

Age with Dignity

One gracious deed of the MMS/Congress govt was facilitating REVERSE MORTGAGE for senior citizens of the nation that helps preserve their sense of independence.

http://profit.ndtv.com/news/your-money/article-how-senior-citizens-can-benefit-from-reverse-mortgage-373027

This is a good reason for the elderly not to nurture misgivings about imposing on their ‘reluctant’ children and/or for their adult-children in the event of weighing supporting their ageing parents (under trying financial conditions). I wonder what makes some of us think we are doing our parents/in-laws any favour. Rather are we not duty-bound the way they were when they raised us. The retirees can make a choice as to how to live the rest of their days in dignity. The fate of economically unsound/dependent retired lot is awfully miserable to imagine.

Despite my reasoning & logic, I would still like to dispense my responsibilities to the elderly within the comforts of our own home (thankless as they could be) – which alone can save me from a terrible guilty conscience.  May be its a personal decision for each & every one of us. I discovered I did not care whether the ageing Indian parents preferred spending rest of their lives in condos or not. Unless the circumstances are compelling, I hope no senior citizen in this country feels neglected or ignored and thereby needs to exercise the option – even if that could amount to taking our elderly for granted. Retirement/Old Age home is conceptually good, undeniable. Still let us allow our grandchildren the luxury of basking in grandparental love & spoiling pampering which is something we can never hope to substitute with.

Finally son(s), a mother is not after your cheque. A mother wants to see your face first.

Posted in Food For Soul

Retail Therapy

Posted on by veeskitchen

Must have returned from the US emptyhanded (without shopping that is) but the kids drove me the last moment to a mall making sure I shopped at least a little that they thought was necessary to make our trip complete.

Otherwise the last time i shopped for clothes was in Coimbatore in mid April. A good six months back almost, a record for me. A token sweater from Mango sale here in Doha as winter approaches is the only exception apart from personal care products from Body Shop. I missed the pre-US tour shopping deliberately and did not go for a facial in a salon that I normally do before a foreign trip. Was about to complete the tour without a serious buy but then ended up spending up around 100$ – not bad still. Even then the urge to shop was absent. A severe aversion has set in, but then the kids prevailed. More than them my hubby wanted to ensure that I got something otherwise he said I would be taunting him for a 100 years that he did not allow me to shop in the US!

The point is, the first time I went to the US (in 2017-18), every other day we went shopping. I got myself lots of clothes and bags i hardly needed. From 2015 I guess i have been on a splurge – a spending spree, literally a freefall. That was when my only son left for abroad for higher studies. As I alternated between India and Doha, my guess is that psychologically I was filling a vacuum with more clothes, bags, shoes and jewelry : material possessions as substitutes for physical presence of my beloved that I presumed could make me happy.

I opted for a designer for my clothes, went for branded bags like i never did in the past. I do go for brands now for personal care products. For clothes too these days I have come to look for brands. All this development has been there only since 2015. With despair I thought I was getting into a pattern I normally detested. My shopping sprees meanwhile were also going online at the same time.

The shopping peaked surprisingly in the pandemic time for me as a friend mocked that I was the only one shopping left and right even in critical times. I laughed it off but realized that it was very easy for me to take the bait if someone interested me in shopping for clothes. I fell without resistance over half a dozen times spending too much than the occasion warranted. A celebration at home and festive season gave me more reasons to shop than necessary. Afterwards, I would be plagued by the familiar guilty feeling ending up hating myself for succumbing to temptations and spending lavishly the hardearned money of my hubby that I did not earn for myself. Of course I was still spending within limits, but I was shopping nonstop for more and more clothes and accessories that my wardrobes seemed to be splitting at seams. I had to in fact make new ones to store more clothes and bags for this reason last year. I seemed to want every new blockprint on the forefront of fashion, i wanted the matching bag. I wanted the right jean and I wanted the perfect jewelry. What was I trying to prove to the world?

All this changed with a simple little bundle of joy that arrived in our family in June. With the arrival of my granddaughter, I have totally lost my interest for shopping anything for myself as a feeling of completeness swells within me that I cannot put into words. Precisely about this time, I started reading on decluttering and minimalism. Although I was initially angered by the preaching, I decided that I needed the daily dose of reminder. I don’t think anyone needs sermons on anything in life, but reading repeatedly on the importance of decluttering and minimalism is having a gradual effect in my psyche. I can’t say that i am immune to these articles anymore that over a period can have a life changing effect in us. The combined effect of the sense of fulfillment in life along with well timed reading on decluttering and minimalism may be reason for the way I am changing, probably for the better.

The few months my son and my daughter-in-law spent in Chennai along with me also could be a reason for my changed heart. They lived in a leased apartment where they used my saved crockeries, cutleries etc., breaking some (!) that gave me an indescribable satisfaction that things were finally used and not merely were stashed for guests. That utility value of things somehow had a catalytic effect on me as I realized, things rusting without usage are of no use collecting or saving (for a future date).

Now I am more into using the things I have accumulated over years. Even in Doha, the clothes in my supposed secondary wardrobe (primary being the one in Chennai) can last me easily over five years to say the least. My fridge too is overflowing. I still ended up going for three tee shirts and a bag in the US but it is ok. Nobody in my family seems to be happy if I don’t get anything for myself. So got them mostly to make my folks happy. They can’t believe the new me 😀

Meanwhile, I shall keep using the clothes and things i have saved here (the list of what I have given up both in Doha and Chennai itself can be very impressive) (periodically also gave up so, many, many clothes and accessories to charities in good condition only). I think i don’t need all this stuff now: just my darling granddaughter will do. She has replaced everything else in my life i thought was valuable and worth collecting. How such a little life thousands of miles away from me across the oceans can have this effect on me is surprising.

For the family i got coffee-mates as we are great coffee lovers, and I thought we could do with nondairy creamer that is not good quality in dairy-fixated India. For friends some fridge magnets. For colleagues, my hubby got chocolates. Surprisingly even my hubby didn’t shop, I think he is going through the same emotions as me. He is very brand conscious. Last visit, he bet me or probably matched me in shopping! This year he has not shopped at all for himself but did for his darling granddaughter. Now getting that rattles and baby clothes seem more precious and important to both of us. Gone is the craze for branded stuff. We both were basically like this, but the intermittent years somehow changed us from our natural ways.

I now have this to say about Retail Therapy: most of us seek this as kind of fulfillment for something that we may be lacking. The temporary spike in our adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine thanks to shopping enthuses us that we feel revitalized and a sense of purpose. I can’t see any other reason for normal men and women to shop (within limits) more than necessary. Any excesses over limits must have a far damaging reason psychological mostly that may have to be clinically treated.

Finally over the peak, that is how I see myself. At the same time, i would not want to deny myself anything good. Abstinence by itself can sometimes trigger a craving. In future I will shop but my shopping shall be entirely need-based. I would not want to forego best things in life. I will first utilize optimally whatever I own already. Such a usage is self-satisfying seeing that you are putting to good use the money you invested in something.

I guess we all will have to reach this point of satiation by ourselves. There is no particular defining moment. Each much peak as per his/her own sense of fulfillment. Retail Therapy can be harmless if we are bound by limits. But I have known how addictive this can get and how guilty we can feel after every shopping bout.

With pleasure I have to record here that all my clothes that I used in my tour recently are old and used already, nothing being new. Feeling complete in every way. Not grooming specially for the trip is another new for me that I intend to follow up with.

How I managed this six month period of de-addiction from shopping:

  • i unfollowed business pages mostly especially those of clothing, jewelry, bag etc. their updates and posts are most tempting
  • hardly one or two art/business pages i follow these days online that do not require me to shop for anything
  • online shopping thus finally almost came to an end for me. there were years when i would book stuff online from Qatar and get them delivered to my sister’s place in India for collection later!
  • i do have a credit card here in Doha but i hardly use it.
  • i don’t save anymore my clothes for occasions. here for even grocery shopping in Doha nowadays, i go in my best. i decided to live it up.
  • i am also now not in company of friends who will worsen my condition 😀 some of my friends happen to be worst shopping addicts than me and that used to compound my shopping problem 😀 we spoilt each other lol
  • i have a friend now who continuously discourages me from shopping, like she says when i try to pick up a tee shirt, ‘no dear, it looks lousy on you!!!’ and that’s all i need to hear! i love going out with this friend now because she is like a party pooper, neither will she shop nor will she let me spend!!!
  • i guess i have the responsibility to set an example to the kids. by restraining, i can show them that it is important to live with what we have and find satisfaction from that.
  • my husband and I constantly discourage each other from shopping these days. i can say, now frugal spending is one of our couple-goals!
  • its not about saving pennies really. its more about living with a principle.
  • the joy of giving is not unknown to me. basically i derive more happiness from giving. even through my spending sprees i haven’t forgotten that.
  • i took cue from a few friends who are doing great but who tend to live it down, not leading flashy lives. their hugely successful yet down-to-earth stories opened my eyes as to what is really important in life. i can still hire an auto and live in a small two or three bedroom flat and that will just NOT define me in any way. take me the way i am or leave it.

Posted in Food For Soul

Ageing With Dignity

Posted on by veeskitchen

Often it is possible to mistakenly assess dignity with one’s clothes. Or limit the definition of dignity to mere superficiality that is skin deep. Can there be a more dignified picture than that of our Bapu in his loin clothes walking his way to a meeting with Churchill.

Dignity must have lot more to do with than the mere external sheathe we climb out of when within four walls? Dignity has got to do with what we are when we can go invisible. In a way, our original self has a knack of manifesting itself in the image we present to the outer world, even if we try not to give up much. Dignity lies in how we conduct ourselves with every group, in all stages and phases. How about dignity that is derived out of solid character. Dignity from having built an unmistakable reputation. Dignity from spinning something worthwhile out of our life. In Thamizh we have a proverb that goes as ‘கெட்டாலும் மேன்மக்கள் மேன்மக்களே, சங்கு சுட்டாலும் வெண்மை தரும்’. To me, that sums up dignity in entirety. So dignity is how malleable you are under duress, under pressing stress. How flexible you are. How catalytic you are under trying circumstances. How much you can facilitate a smooth maneuver in rough tidings.

In other words, dignity is embracing your life for what it throws at you. When life gives you lemon, how many choose to make a lemonade.

Often we have armchair intellectuals who have not stepped out of their comfort zones delivering sermons from their high pedestals on abstract human qualities that can be explained only in relative terms. Unless we are on all our fours at least at any one point of time in life, at the mercy of third parties, with our dignity at stake, with doors closing on us from every side, there is no way we can come to decipher what dignity is all about.

A pole dancer can live her life with dignity. Is dignity only about understated elegance bought off at an astronomical price.

Perceptions differ. I wonder when those in their supposed high moral grounds would stop judging.

Ageing with dignity can have totally a different perspective having nothing to do with our attire bordering on nostalgy. How about mellowing with experience, exposure, travel, scars, tolerance, forbearance, forgiving and broadmindedness greying us a shade darker. Or is it silver. A life lived well collecting memories is far more dignified than a life collecting material possessions. How can a sedan or designer jewelry come to define someone? Let us not allow a hairdye undermine the life we lived out. Our attitude towards life, how we carry ourselves past extraordinary circumstances define our dignity. A life battled for and won over has a lot more dignity than a smooth sailing not far from safe harbour.

Posted in Food For Soul

Spirituality is Empathy, Religiosity without empathy is an Empty shell.

Posted on by veeskitchen

Friendships and relationships can survive only if the parties are on equal footing. By equality, I am not referring to material well being. The sense of equality and justice has to be in the mind. The wrong sense of entitlement some nurture harms friendships how much ever back by years that may go. The gods must be equal, the rights and birth privileges must be equal, the trust has to be mutual and matched. Simply nobody is born with a silver spoon. May be some unjustly have had a headstart but the remorse or repentance in the bargain in current times can go a long way in correcting the imbalance in holistic ways. The historical injustice first has to be acknowledged for if social justice has any hope at all. I can’t think of spirituality without the embedded element of empathy in it. Any thing removed from it can be mere religiosity that can have nothing to do with enlightenment. Fellow Hindus seem to have reduced everything to jargons like Advaita, Vaishnavism, Mantra, Tantra, Yantra etc. The raw and basic truth is that, a Vettiyan or a cremation ground worker needs none of this or has no use to any of these for his afterlife. As simple as that. I wonder how and when some numbskulls will get it into their heads. Plus if you chestbeat that you have access to Veda and Upanishad by privilege of your birth, you have to factor in that this was achieved by suppressing sections of humanity from progress by your forefathers. This genetic advantage garnered over centuries did not come free. It cost millions of Hindus their DIGNITY. Never can I dismiss the thought from my mind that prevents me from embracing all that these so-called wise-asses seem to lecture on Dharma. I am far removed from the philosophical ways of these smart-asses who ‘know all’ seemingly. Well, I don’t have to know anything at all. Over the rituals, I am a seeker, becoming more of a seeker, who wouldn’t even have to become a monk or saint for self realization. I can just nurture my sense of empathy, lend a sympathetic ear, identify with others pains, acknowledge others disadvantages because some stood to gain at every front, understand their anguish and rage at the injustice. I find my peace in hugging their sense of loss bred over generations as they watched others march past them. Any talk on Hindu renaissance has to aim at stemming the rot from within. The cancer is in the mind when you pit yourself above a section of humanity and self congratulate yourself for what you stood to gain. No Hindu group or study is willing to give a consideration to the question of equality and social justice in the first place. I would request anyone to place themselves as a vettiyan’s son confined to a hut with mud walls within the cremation ground tending to burning bodies not for an year or a century but for a continuous two millennium. Well, it is for instance at the cost of the man’s dignity that you are where you are. Stop lecturing if you cannot empathize with fellow humans especially if you are from the creamy section who have contributed to the miseries of mankind directly. In no other part of the world or in no other religion is a burial grounds person in his profession by birth like we have in Hinduism. Where is mention of service in Hindu Dharma. We have had to wait for the Christians to teach us what humanity is and how through service we can seek spirituality. Which Hindu seer impressed upon anyone to serve humanity. Where in the Vedas is stress laid on service to humanity. We have our flaws and we need the correction. Not even reservations can give back the dignity these people were denied. Who knows whether there is a nether world. Making the world we live in today a happy place for everyone is all divinity about. If you cannot do it, don’t resort to damaging humanity even further. My heart goes out to all of human race who have been vanquished, suppressed, downtrodden and stripped of their sense of dignity, denied their equal social justice. My heart goes out to the wild life of the world and even domesticated pets some of which had to be genetically mutated for vanity to pander to man’s whims. The kind of world and the kind of faith I envision can never match up most of my friends. To me their hollowness of rituality is disappointing. I think we all pursue our own paths after a point. Mine is not the same as most Hindus I know or i am friends with or related to.

Posted in Lateral Thinking

Time to mainstream CA as Professional Degree Course In Universities. Time to do away with May summer vacation for Indian courts/judiciary. PM Modi Note.

Posted on by veeskitchen

Reason for this blog is the above post from social media. A discussion on NEET vs CA led to some thoughts on a different line.

Why NEET is different from CA entrance.

NEET is now the standardized entrance for medicine which is more skill based. Even a butcher can be said to have the knack of skillful surgery, so to say. Medicine is basically mastering of the names and functions of internal organs. I have heard of patients complaining of how so-and-so surgeons do a poor butchery, scarring them forever. And nowadays with the machines coming to rule diagnosis, the medicos are more like programmers. It all becomes more of derivations with proofs such as CT scans, X Rays and lab tests. This is not to dilute the role of the medical fraternity, especially the hardworking and selfless physicians in serving humanity. I am merely stating that the medical work may be dogged, but it is still something that can be mastered with practice and training. It just cannot be off limits for anyone. To those with right aptitude, medical field can be appealing. Therefore the medical course is not for the mind, like engineering is or charted accountancy is. May be a little. You still have to differentiate and distinguish which vein or nerve ending when cut can cause irreparable damage. You have to study the diseases and know the implications. You have to update yourself with treating methods and changing chemical compositions for prescribed medicine. And this is one never ending job. But this is something we have in every sphere of work. Engineering updates are quickest with very short span of life before the next wave of technology erases the past sometimes totally. To a degree, all of us are born with basic engineering, medical and accounting skills. This is why we have illiterate masons and unqualified construction engineers. Book keeping is also something perfected by many of us unofficially. We have home remedies for illnesses. Similarly even an illiterate butcher without schooling can be possessing good surgical skills. In fact historically, it were the butchers who took to medicine and surgery with their practised ease with knives, for their precision in surgery, until we had modern medicine. Medicine gets better with practice and research. Mostly the profession gets better with trial and error method. Which is why even today, volunteers are sought to try even new vaccines. Everything is experimental to begin with. Practice follows success. The diagnosis skills get honed as young doctors see hundreds of OP cases every single day. This has got more to reckon with the repeated symptoms.

Which is why, you don’t have to take entrances to the level of IIT JEE to enter a medical college. It is enough if the aspiring medicos are good in general terms. If your memory retention is good, it can serve you better. If your IQ is good, you can connect the dots and make a good diagnosis. With the aid of medical instruments and tests, one can be a successful doc all said.

So it goes without saying that the rural aspirants of a medical degree with no fluency of English language, who have attended Tamil schools, can still hope to become good physicians serving local communities, mostly far flung villages and tribal areas they may come from. The unwillingness of urban candidates to serve in these outposts also can be dealt with wisely with rural appointees posted to backward regions in the country. This is how India has so far managed her rural health care, with very few urban medicos ready to shift to countryside leaving behind the creature comforts of city life.

What NEET can do to India’s self-sufficient health care system SANS MEDICAL INSURANCE is: (1) completely get rid of rural candidates who cannot excel in English language but who are otherwise smart enough and fit for medical studies (2) total seat allotment to urban candidates who will not move to rural and backward areas of the country (3) no service motivation in urban candidates to serve far flung inaccessible terrains and tribal regions (4) submission of urban candidates to corporate medical health care system in exchange for a healthy pay check (5) slow but steady take over of rural health care falling apart for lack of serving medical teams by corporate hospital detrimental to health care system of India (6) profit motive in health care anathema to democratic India (7) unhealthy insurance practices even in rural health care pushing up medical bills as we see it happening even in urban health care (8) collapse of total health care network in India with medical help accessible only by the monied.

NEET can be held for PG entrance, and that too with at least a 50% seat reserved for service candidates (with professional experience of at least 5 years as it was in pre-NEET days). This is very vital to ensure the quality of medical professionals we produce in India.

Reservation has it merits. Tamil Nadu health care so far has proved the point. Who other than reserved category candidates will serve Ramanathapuram district for instance. Our urban candidates are more than willing to work for corporate honchos selling their soul. NEET is for them. Although, I do agree, NEET promises medical seats to more aspirants on payment basis which is fair enough.

Now how about engineering or chartered accounting. Both these need much more of methodical studies mostly technical. Entrance to these streams must therefore have an eligibility criteria a bit superior to medical entrance.

Also in what way is chartered accounting special that it has to be taken out of mainstream and be pursued as a separate course. After all the much critical medicine and engineering degrees and diplomas are mainstream. Why do we have to follow everything as dictated to us by the British. Is CA a mere certification. Even so, why has it not been attempted so far to mainstream CA and include it in our university curriculam. Not even legal practice is out of scope of mainstream degree. I wonder why accounting has to be regarded special. By keeping it out of purview of maximum aspirants, I think the motive that is served is, limiting the CA outputs thereby raising their price. I can’t think of any other explanation for this selfish pursuit of capping the number of CAs who graduate every year.

The New Education Policy is shortly coming into force. Why not a thought on CA program as well Dear Narendra Modi ji. Why cannot the course be offered in university stream. CA and CS (Company secretaryship) also may be streamlined in near future, so that many many more aspirants will have access to the course not filtered by a daunting entrance.

It is ironic that a medical seat that can and must be accessible to rural aspirants must be denied to them for the only reason that they are not English medium products, but a deterrence must be in place for CA aspirants by way of an ambitious entrance. Capping of CA grads per annum increments to the price of the CAs pushing up artificial demand. Well, well, we have to have a look into this.

Life saving medicos, petroleum engineers and space scientists have to follow university curricular. But these men who cook up accounts have to have their own institutes prized by their own valedictorians. In what way is the service of these guys so special. Or above that of a medical doctor or an engineer or a lawyer.

Time to halve the hefty packages these CAs take home working in airconditioned comforts mostly cooking up books!

Time to annul the one month summer vacation for court. With cases pending and lagging behind by months, why are the judges getting May month off Dear Modi ji, can you answer me. Is India still British Raj. What stops you from cancelling the one month summer vacation for judges.Indian judiciary cannot afford this luxury or rather waste any more. Indian masses and justice system deserve this. Cancel the summer holidays for courts and judges OR give one month paid holiday in May for government doctors and pilots and train drivers etc. Are these judges royalty, my prime minister. Seventy five years since India’s independence. Time to get them down on equal footing with rest of the nation.

Disclaimer 😀 I am neither of those hahaha, just a thought!

Posted in Environment

Ganesh Visarjan in Tamil Nadu is imported culture from Mumbai from ’90s.

Posted on by veeskitchen

Our Ganesh Visarjan in the 1970s and 80s was always on third day or fifth day after Ganesh Chaturthi at either Kapaleeshwar temple tank or Chitrakulam temple tank in Mylapore. This is how we bid goodbye to the Elephant god traditionally as we did not have a deep well at home to drop Him in. I remember the rare times we took Him to the marina to immerse Him in the sea. The visarjan was a very private thing or family affair. I don’t think we clubbed the occasion with anyone or anything. No big fuss about it. Mostly my father would carry the Ganesha a bit unceremoniously in a bucket bag to leave Him in the steps of Kapali temple tank or if they permitted, immerse Him with his own hands in the tank water. Locals always favoured the nearest temple tank for the visarjan.

Even after I married, in my in-laws home, we always dropped our Ganesha in our house well that was in the backyard.

This is how for decades we celebrated Vinayak Chaturthi in Chennai or perhaps in entire Tamil Nadu. NO STREET PANDALS. NO TRAFFIC BLOCKS. NO LOUDSPEAKER BLARE. NO MAMMOTH COLOURFUL PLASTER-OF-PARIS GANESHAS, NO PROCESSIONS, NO CROWD, NO POLLUTION, NO DONATIONS but truly in the spirit of the festival the way it must be. Such a homely one in my memory.

Come the festival season, our guys are upto it again. They kick up a storm that the government is preventing Hindus from celebrating Ganesh chaturthi that has always been celebrated with such a fanfare in the state. Excuse me, just who are you kidding??? Not even a single colour coated Ganesh in the city up until at least 1992-93. It is after 1995 or from an year or two before that the Ganesha pandal culture established itself in Tamil Nadu. And now we are going gungho about it as if we were always born and bred in this Ganpati Bappa Moriya milieu. Just what is our problem. Why do we want to invent more crowded gala events as if our calendar is not full as such? Who do we want to bait?

Are the literate in the state even aware of what a pollution the visarjan in the sea of the coloured Ganeshas made of plastic and plaster-of-paris is causing already. The marine life is facing the brunt and the entire fragile marine ecology is on the verge of a collapse as year by year the debris keeps mounting. The natural surroundings in the coastline suffer damage and it is not unusual to spot dead fish litter in the beach for days after the visarjan. The olive riddley turtles approach the coromandel east coast for nesting during their breeding season. What a havoc the visarjan can wreck to their reproduction cycle.

What kind of blind faith is this. What kind of sick ritual is this. It is time we stop this nonsense that is now degenerating into mob hysteria and a law and order problem . Years back our Ganeshas were made of clay and they left no negative impact on our environment. A few Ganeshas nowadays are eco-friendly. Like we have even the seed Ganesha pumped in with specific plant seeds when on immersion in a local water body or soil or just in a house plant pot can help germinate the seeds and sprout young saplings. However this percentage of eco-friendly Ganeshes could be far less than 0.01 percent. The majority that have insolvable components made of toxic material end up in our ocean waters, destroying marine life, polluting the coastal sea shelf, rendering irreparable damage to our ocean resources.

India has a very weak and poor sewerage treatment record as such. We are complicating matters for ourselves, nothing more. We only have to compare the fish size in India with that in foreign port cities. In the navigable waters of India, for instance, the maximum size a Red snapper (Sultan basi in arab and sankara in tamil) can grow into is seven to eight inches. I am seeing dining plate diameter size (twelve inches) red snappers caught from middle east coast line here. It means, India’s fish are getting smaller and smaller in size. Is it dwarfing? Or is it that we are not allowing our fish to live their full lifecycle. Are we netting our fish before they can reproduce. Or is our marine pollution affecting our fish breeding and population.

Every single Hindu has to ask this question to his/her heart. What are we doing to our motherland in the name of Dharma? Separating baby calves from wild elephant herds, their mothers and torturing them in our temples. Polluting in the name of Ganesha our seas and land apart from the noise pollution we generate. Such a plastic glut. Clutter that is not organic. The waste we generate in our festivals, a good majority of it, will not decompose. Neither are they recyclable. So where do they end up? In the bottom of our ocean floors, where else.

Ganesha must be regretting the Vinayaka chaturthi festival. Why can’t we give Him just modak and lots of our love and be at peace. We can still have the earthen Ganeshas and take him to the sea individually at our ease, as and when we can, like we used to until the imported pandal culture made things worse. In all this melee, where is a moment to think of Ganesha.

Now wonder, who is anti-Hindu.

Posted in Political

The Right To Sit.

Posted on by veeskitchen

How many of us were not moved by the Tamil flick ‘Angadi Theru’ that was a candid picturization from the floors of certain departmental stores and showrooms in Chennai that employed high school dropouts from backward districts, in hoards. Paid meagre wages, bunched together in pigeonhole living places and fed substandard rations with no privacy for showering or even a square inch of personal space , the young girls and boys in their teens and twenties had to stand for hours upto twelve or fifteen day after day, for years, with their paychecks directly mailed to their BPL families back home. Tragedy is, there is an endless crowd willing and waiting to slip into their shoes if they quit, even today in the real world. I couldn’t help wondering how the business owners did not slap the producers of the picture with a libel suit. There is a character in the film of a middle aged man with swollen legs due to gangrene owing to years of living on foot working for these multistoried cavernous shopping malls with not even adequate or well placed safety exits in case of an emergency. The critically acclaimed film went on to win quite a few awards for the year. In one of my previous blog posts years back, I have highlighted their never ending trauma. At the end of the day, they retire in their thirties, having paid with their health for short term gains, frustrated and unfit for employment elsewhere.

Tamil Nadu passes the landmark Right to Sit Bill

But long before the movie happened, I understood from teachers on supervision posted for board examinations about the hardship they faced, even if for a very brief duration such as the length of the exam hours. Three hours on foot without a seating for the lady teachers in their forties and fifties was no easy task. While they were supervising candidates sitting for examination, they were overseen by an official on rounds checking whether the teachers rested their backs on the one single table provided in the exam hall! Personally I had experienced this difficulty when I opted to supervise a batch of exams in my early twenties for a correspondence course graduate degree exam. There were plenty of electives and therefore I had a fifteen day serving duty. Even in such an young and fit age, walking the hall without a single moment of respite was difficult for me. I could understand the board exam supervising teachers’ predicament. Like general election duties (or juror duties), in India, no teacher serving a state/central board school can refuse supervision duties for board exams (or even paper evaluation duties) that are mandatory (although on rotation basis picked by management/government). It is the middle aged women teachers who are hit most by the rule. There has to be a concession to their age. Oral advice can be given to supervisors to remain on foot as much as possible. However, I am not certain about the current scene.

What is ‘Right to Sit’, the Tamil Nadu bill that mandates seating facilities for shop workers

Finally we have an ordinance that is coming to the rescue of these hapless showroom workers who have to be on their feet for more than twelve hours a day, six days a week. What a boon this is to women workers especially. These young girls are in their most fertile age. I always wondered how the girls would manage their cycles standing whole day long without a minute to sit down. Imagine the harm they could be doing to themselves, their internal organs like kidneys and uterus. I am not sure whether the gangrene character in Angadi Theru was based on a real life victim. But I am somehow inclined to believe him.

Providing seating to your serving staff is such a basic requirement. Work ethic. Employers are obligated to extend such a provision for their workers who mint profit for them, at least on humanitarian grounds. Denial of these rudimentary comforts are in gross violation of human rights. Finally such a sensitive issue has found a solution with the Tamil Nadu government introducing a bill that bestows the right to sit on store employees. There would be no necessity for enforcing such a law, if only the showroom owners had had an ounce of basic decency. What kind of ruthless money making machines do we have in our midst. Profiteering at any cost, with not a bother for staff welfare. Grotesque capitalism for you here.

I don’t expect our desi news channels to report the news just as they never reported the introduction of OBC Archakas and female Oduvar in our Agama temples. Good Gandhi and EVR Periyar did not have to face these hypocritic brigades as well to fight for equality among fellow humans.

Posted in Books

Review: The Elephant Whisperer – Lawrence Anthony.

Posted on by veeskitchen

My awareness of Lawrence Anthony’s work was purely incidental. I would be looking out for elephant news and he was always there in You tube in a time when we still did not have whatsapp or google. I am sure i have watched the video of elephants mourning his demise. What a blessed life. He could have lived longer, but the stress of running the reserve must have told upon his health. This we understand as we turn page after page of his book ‘the elephant whisperer.’

As Anthony makes it clear at the outset, the elephant whisperer is not him but the elephant in question that spoke to him. This book has been on my reading list now for years. Finally got my hands on it (kindle version). Comes second to Tanya James’ ‘the tusk that did the damage’ on the elephant scene in India that centers around the menacing poaching issue we have in the country for the precious tusks of the elephants. (Same is true of Indian single horned rhinos as well in the state of Assam, similar to the precarious situation of the double horned rhinos of Africa that are nearly hunted down to extinction already. Anthony’s ‘the last rhino’ is on the rhinos). Until this book happened I believed, the Indian wild elephant escaped poaching even if unhealthily domesticated at an alarming rate.

My introduction to the Zulus and Bantus, the native tribes of South Africa happened in my ninth standard I guess, when I read for the first time a James Hadley Chase novel ‘the vulture is a patient bird.’ It is because of the content i remember the title and the tribes. I can say this may have been a chief reason for my interests in Africa including its wildlife. Later on of course, there was Wilbur Smith. Literally every single trilogy or whatever of his I read with, mainly for the wildlife info even if it was all fiction. ‘The elephant song’ of his was special. The matriarch comes through in Smith’s works. I would like to skip his latest works that I wouldn’t attribute to him, probably penned under his name by someone else (like in the case of Sidney Sheldon). They don’t carry the same Smith stamp. If you have been reading Wilbur Smith, you must be familiar with entire Africa from Sudan, Egypt and Ethiopia to Congo, South Africa, Zaire and Zambia (both of erstwhile Rhodesia) and more. You learn of the languages such as Swahili. You discover the native tribes, the shortest men, the yellow men, the spear throwers, the trackers etc. You develop a deep respect for the dark continent that has been mindlessly exploited and now made a complete mess. I agree with Anthony on the violence aspect about Africa which has to keep with its wild nature. Apartheid is long since over. Afrikaners and the other remaining whites are doing a wonderful service to the conservation causes in Africa in the present, even if it was their ancestors who nearly brought the native wildlife to the brink of extinction in the first place. Still the current conservation efforts must not be underestimated or disrespected. This is very much the need of the hour.

Unlike fellow Indians, I am totally against domestication of our Indian wild elephants for Hindu temple service and for gala events like Navaratri-Dusshera celebrations in Mysore palace grounds in the name of culture, heritage and traditions. I have been vociferous over this capturing and taming of wild Indian elephants from the jungles, earning quite a few adversaries in the process. But here end my feeble protests. NGOs for wildlife and elephant lovers have to take the mantle from well-wishers and whistleblowers (!) like me at this stage.

Do temple elephants connect.
My piece on temple elephants in India captured from wild for domestication, inspired by Lawrence Anthony’s ‘the Elephant whisperer’

I wish India has someone like Lawrence Anthony to save our wild elephants from poachers, regain the lost elephant corridors and conserve the population from going to extinction inevitably in a century or two.

Elephant At Crossroads
wild Indian elephants faring no better…

The book is a treat to elephant lovers and naturalists and conservationists. It is enjoyable and good learning guide for anyone for that matter. Those of us who are keen on safaris must know what it takes to run a show.

Lawrence Anthony confirmed what I had read about the pachyderms over years: that the elephants communicate very intelligently in a unique way both physical and metaphysical, with their stomach rumblings in a very low frequency inaudible to human ears that therefore fail to pick up the jumbo communication. So that way, quite like the whales, the elephant community too may be much more evolved than us homo sapiens when it comes to tele communication. It is not without a reason that these giant mammals have survived and roamed planet earth many millions of years. The other way the elephants communicate is by tactile contact in the bush. The infrared waves of elephant whispers probably serve as transmission conduits to reach over herds spread across entire landmass of Africa which is stunning! Science may prove theories in labs but here was this dauntless conservationist living the experience to relate his story to the world. To me his well lived life and real time observation suffice as authentic proof to elephant telepathy we talk about including the long elephantine memory. The tuskers’ moving vigil for two days on Lawrence’s demise is the testimonial ultimate for what Lawrence recorded in his book: “The most important lesson i learned is that there are no walls between humans and the elephants except those we put up ourselves.“

Anthony also in the course of his writing introduces us to the lush and rich spectrum of his natural reserve Thula Thula:

  • mongoose, warthog, tawny eagle, martial eagle, impala, zebra, wildebeest, kudu, nyala, baboon, black mumba, black python, bark spider, leguaan (african monitor lizard), duiker, southern white rhino, honey badgers, crocs, barbel (fish), cape buffalo … and of course elephants
  • (noctural creatures): bush pigs, giant eagle owl, vondos, bush rats, nightjars, bats, bushbabies, hyenas, leopard, lynx, serval
  • reptilians: Black mumba, puff adder, mozambican cobra
  • trees native to Africa: Acacia robusta, marula, boerbeen, fig, umbrella thorn tree
  • the winged nesters: plum coloured starlings, european rollers, bush shrike, narina trojans, gwala gwala, vultures

What a spectacular life Anthony lived! Added bonus was his elephants whispering to him accepting him as one among them. Nana and Frankie, the matriarchs in particular shared a wavelength with Anthony, able to reach him. Here i have to mention Anthony’s intention of keeping the wildlife feral and so his deliberate breaking up of connection with the tuskers so that the herd moves deeper into the bush far from human contact for their own sake. This was also necessary as Anthony felt that this way, the elephants will stay wary of poachers (or any humans for that matter).

  • Nala the matriarch followed by the herd
  • Lawrence Anthony
Disclaimer: Pictures from Google Images. I don’t own the pictures.

When I was reading about the way Anthony was spending long and perilous nights in the bush to safekeep the elephants in the boma when they were traumatized, rowdy and tyrant, i couldn’t stop myself from admiring the man for not only his courage but also for his big heart that did not hesitate to sacrifice creature comforts to settle down the disturbed gang in his reserve. The herd mistrusted human beings having been subject to witnessing massacre of their family members. The move by truck and darting (with tranquilizers) had dazed them and made them more violent and edgy. Anthony however focused only on rehabilitation of the elephants on their new home winning their confidence and trust gradually. In the process he did not lose his patience or hope even for a minute. He believed sincerely, the elephants deserved a chance. It was a painstakingly done work worth its rich dividends. You have to be gifted for sharing such a compassion for wildlife to be going this extra mile. As Anthony himself says, one has to probably grow up in the bush with the right mindset to be able to work or live in this kind of nature’s setting. It is a tough but rewarding life for those with a passion for conversation. Only that, your physical fitness must match the demanding conditions of the life in the veldt. And African tribes like the Zulus of warrior blood naturally fit in their roles as armed rangers of the reserve. Having to share their living space with Africa’s rich wildlife and having a history, they are the natural choice for the maintenance and running of the Zululand sanctuary in the heartland of South Africa.

Anthony speak:

  • Living rough in the wilderness is a salve for the soul. Ancient instincts awaken; forgotten skills are relearned, consciousness is sharpened and life thrums at a rich tempo.
  • No matter how heart-wrenching the situation, we never interfered with nature. Brutal as the food chain is, that’s the balance of life in the wild.

    • Interesting observation on fright-flight distance, innovative game keeping methods, round the clock alertness and an equally enthusiastic team of rangers, merit a mention. Bush piloting and crane lifting on darting are familiar with us in India where latter methods are employed when it comes to dealing with the tuskers.

    What I consider firsthand research material about Anthony’s work may be the elephant communication information and Askari (male elephants led by an ageing patriarch) observations in particular apart from breeding habits of different fauna. Valuable input for future wildlife studies and conservationists. Kudos to his diplomacy with the native tribes. In today’s highly jingoistic egoistic material world, we need this kind of trendsetter. In another part of the book, Anthony says, it is the elephant who is the tone setter for the relationship shared between him and the herd. He goes on to narrate how each and every member of the family enriched his life and added dimensions to his perspective on the African elephant.

    Serious poaching threats from armed gangs and sharpshooters fitted to their teeth, the uneasy relationship Anthony shared with Nkosi Biyela and the Indunas in general whose ancient zululand is the reserve, the epidemics waiting to devastate wildlife if unchecked, the brutal forest fires, the rogue beasts on prowl (like the male elephant Mnumzane in musth that had to be put down) endangering not only safaris but also other wildlife (with Mnumzane shearing white female rhino to death with his tusk), natural disasters such as river flooding and breaking banks, the maintenance of full length electric fence with low voltage just to stun the wildlife from crossing over but not kill, the challenge of balancing the wildlife population that ensures the survival of the fittest in accordance with the food chain, nerve wracking dealings with the superstitious African tribes not antagonizing the sons of the oil, the law and order issues to be taken up with law enforcement, the follow up with KNZ of whatever, the wildlife departments and reserve sanctuaries of South Africa, … and much much more need to be addressed on day-to-day basis running a wildlife reserve as vast and teeming with diverse wildlife as Thula Thula.. And if the reserve is to boast of a safari lodge like Thula Thula, the challenge is many more time magnified, keeping in view the safety of the tourists. The days start well before dawn for a safari and end with the last of the tourists hitting the sack as Anthony explains. Lawrence’s wife Francoise now in charge of Thula Thula seems to have lent a French touch to the holiday resort with her exotic cuisine, a big draw with the visitors naturally. Game sighting is adventure like nothing else. Only those who have sampled this heady brew of thrill will know why nature and wildlife can be such a humbling and invigorating experience at the same time, making one even spiritual. You connect with your basal instincts when you confront all forms of life from the millipede, centipede and scorpions and spiders to the crocodiles and rhinos and bucks and antelopes and the giant elephants under trees as ancient as you can imagine, with their gnarled roots and spread branches sporting myriad coloured winged nesters. A profusion of life in the natural element. Nightlife in the wild is another symphony. What a welcome break from the cacophony of our urban materialistic life.

    Say A Big ‘NO’ To Birth Control For Indian Elephants
    birth control not for Indian wild elephants…

    Hopefully land acquisition for expansion of Thula Thula is now done with, which can provide the wildlife in the reserve more of room to amble about. Anthony also gainfully employed the local manpower which is mutually beneficial. Let’s see. I have always dreamt about a Kenya or Tanzania or even an Uganda or Zimbabwe safari, but never South African. My interest in South Africa got piqued with the Netflix serial ‘the penguin town.’ Now I have ‘Thula Thula’ too in my bucketlist! Hopefully i can make it with my entire family there in a couple of years, along with my grandchildren in tow! How i would luv to show my grandkids Nana and Frankie!

    Stop Cruelty To Elephants In The Name Of Religion NOW !!!
    My first ever elephant write-up. The original draft may be from over 10 years back…

    Anthony not a serious contender for Noble prize in lit still his south African lingo is something! Good sense of humour there. That supersized vacuum cleaner of an elephant trunk! Menopausal rhino!

    Rounding up with Lawrence Anthony quote: THE BEST CAGE IS NO CAGE. Om Shanthi!

    Posted in Pictures Foreign

    Review: The lighthouse of the Orcas (Netflix)

    Posted on by veeskitchen

    Just finished watching this heartwarming flick based on true life story of an Orca conservationist from South America and couldn’t wait to post the review. Filmed in breathtaking locales of Patagonia in Argentina, the beachside shack where the orca park ranger Beto is posted is far cry from civilization with not a telephone in vicinity or cell phone tower leave alone a decent flushable toilet. Yet the man pursues his passion, relating to the magnificent and mesmerizing sea creatures that roam the oceans in this part of the world, the Pacific. How this reserve officer, lover of wildlife, draws out the autistic Spanish boy who flew in with his mother from Spain watching him in tv show is the story. Strongly recommended. What a landscape. Tough but peaceful life. Why should everyone walk by the beaten path. Offbeat is good! I really want to see South America, as i am also concurrently watching the Magical Andes. This massive continent from southern hemisphere hardly receives its fair share of attention except when it comes to soccer. How different lifestyle is in every single part of the world. Sometimes it is irritating to listen to cultural rhetoric of fellow Indians. We need to go see the world, see it for what it is, and see how too very insignificant we petty ourselves are in this vast universe. Conservation of nature to me is the hallmark of most civilized and cultured societies that have truly evolved. Heritage is not always showcased in ancient architecture like we view in India or in masterpieces hanging in Rome or Paris or in the operas of the west. Orcas seem to be darlings of the sea and they seem to relate to Beto is a special way, just like Lawrence Anthony, the elephant whisperer of south Africa could communicate with wild elephants Wow, what a gift, like none else. As is mentioned in the flick, may be the autistic kids can pick up some very feeble vibrations from the orcas that emit low frequency communication waves just like the their terrestrial counterpart the pachyderms roaming the forests of Africa and Asia. It did seem to have helped Tristan, the boy in the picture at least..

    Review: In The Heart Of The Sea
    ‘In the heart of the sea’ on whaling is not about wildlife conservation yet a compelling watch.

    If an orca is to approach the marina in Chennai, our guys would be drooling over orca biriyani omg! What kind of people are we. I liked the gentle hero the orca man, the survivor mom Lola who is so courageous to risk it for her special kid in a godforsaken barren place half way around the world. But that is what mothers are… aren’t we. I am familiar with autism. No, I don’t pity the autistic children, rather i guess they are merely different. As Beto says, these kids see the world through better glasses than ours. However, easier said than done. Not at all a fairytale. Patience stretched for parents and even marriages suffer. But the naivety of the autistic kids can melt your heart. With orcas they can be deadly combo! Lovable, lovable, adorable! Feelgood factor for me. World needs to hear more of this kind of stories.

    Posted in Pictures Foreign

    Review: Penguin Town (Documentary Series)

    Posted on by veeskitchen

    Loved this Netflix serial probably meant for kids with the kind of narration in the background, yet equally enjoyable for adults. Some of us may have prior knowledge of south African penguins, still this was the first time, I could glean so much info about them. Otherwise, when you think of penguins, you picture only the Antarctic.

    The Penguin town as the Simon town is nicknamed after the takeover of the seaside place for over 6 months an year by the invading penguin colonies numbering in million, for their breeding season, is a bustling spot for both man and bird who do not only coexist but also tolerate each other to a great degree. Here is something for everyone of us take back: that shared space and peace. In India, such a scenario may spring up Penguin biriyani business (not a joke)! This was what was flashing frankly in my mind, as i relished watching each and every single episode on the adorable tall boy bird, the south african penguin. Picturesque beachfront and laidback villas from another age add charm to the setting. No wonder the bougainvillea family, the culvert family, the courtyard family all breed happily and look forward to coming back to their holiday homes (!) the next year. The travails of the penguins are very much humanlike! At least the struggle to secure a good comfy home is! Real estate hotcakes! Respects to the bougainvillea widowed father penguin for the way he is out in the sun day long to secure food for the family. The culvert family falling apart also is not unlike something that does not happen in human society. For the wild nature, the penguins have natural adversaries such as fellow gangster baddies, the lynx cats, the kites etc. Once the fledglings take to the water, of course there are the sea predators. The fragile ecosystem is balancing it out tactically against all odds. Yet, how well the town people have accommodated the penguins as part of their lives without counting them as nuisance deserves an applause. Their attitude matters.

    Until now I was under the impression that the penguin fledglings take to water immediately on hatching. This is news to me that they need so much grooming and energy, and have to grow their waterproof oily feathers/skin to enter water. Great conservation work by the townspeople rehabilitating wounded/abandoned/orphaned penguin hatchlings before making them sea-fit for survival. You need education, awareness and maturity to be doing this job, hats off.

    A must for kids and wildlife/nature lovers. Easy on our mind. Feelgood factor. The way wildlife care for their young ones is a reminder to us as to how everyone, every single life on planet Earth counts.