Madras high court has ruled that the children who inherited their parents’ property could stand to lose the property if they go back on taking care of their ageing parents. This ruling can have a profound effect in all parts of India as the country is seeing an ageing population retiring fast. Unlike in the west, Indian parents sacrifice their entire lives to give their children a better shot at life. At the end of the day, some children go back on their commitment to take care of their old parents who cannot take care of themselves. Its an excellent ruling that can secure the remaining years of the aging retirees who can finally hope to live in peace.
Category: Women & Family
The Bechdel Test
My son told me about this test which is a measure of women’s equivalent participation in anything, especially performing arts such as motion pictures. Bechdel test states 3 basic rules ( this is from Google) :
at least two women are featured, (2) that these women talk to each other, and (3) that they discuss something other than a man.
Unless these 3 basic rules feature in pictures, they cannot be hyped as fair productions. Although this is about pictures, we can use the ground rule for works of fictions/books as well. I used to have this problem about Indian pictures or even fictions I read. Its the male mind that is imagining the scenarios, penning the dialogues, directing the screenplay, editing and finishing and turning out the sum total output. What is the woman’s role in all this? Mere acting skills? Who can imagine the woman’s mind with its complexities. But in Tamil cinema, the thespian screenplay-dialogue writer and director K Balachander had done such a fabulous job. I have done a blog post on him in Tamil. In particular I am in amazement still of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship in the picture ‘Avargal’ produced in the late ’70s. KB was way ahead of his times especially given the plot setting in India. Those were the times we were ultra conservative. Divorces were unheard of. The heroine Sujatha is a divorcee. The mother-in-law comes to her door disguised as a maid servant, cook, and nanny all rolled into one to take care of her infant. That mother-in-law character is one in a million. You have to watch the picture for full import. I can quote more instances from KB.
So very few pictures from India can pass the Bechdel test. Avargal, the black & white Tamil picture from the 70s passes the Bechdel test with flying colours.
Two Brave Stories From Middle East.
Bravo! The Iranian woman did not strip in the university to amble around in semi nudity. The purpose or intent was to defy hijab that keeps women veiled. This is more of a symbolic act as we know. Why should women be struggling for something as basic and mundane as the fundamental right to personal preferences such as one’s attire?
I don’t believe in faith that subscribes the means and methods of living ways. If I am a vegetarian from birth, its not because it is enforced by any law or code in Hindu scriptures. My family made the voluntary choice generations back and I am okay with it. Freewill must prevail and individual’s freedom of expression is the hallmark of civilization.
Even bikinis can be carried over with dignity and need not have to be vulgar at all. The sense of honour and respect is in the eye of the beholder. Even the Arabs must be aware of the long arm of modern technology that can reach into their bedrooms and bathrooms exposing their women to all and sundry. No burqa can come to their rescue. The peeping Tom could be your next door neighbour, who knows. May the modesty be in your mind.
Anyway the Iranian girl practically wrote her own death sentence. But someone has to bell the cat right. And she did just that.
Kudos to the Chess player and three times rapid chess world champ Anna Muzychuk for refusing to play the tournament in Saudi Arabia because of the burqa dress code. Anna says she does not want to be chaperoned to the venue from her hotel by a male escort as per local laws as it may measure to her not being an equal to a man. A disgrace! Its time to pull out events from Saudi in that case where women sportspeople wouldn’t be treated with equal respect as the men.
Shampoo alert!
Friends’ daughters are all my daughters! Really, they make up for what I lack and long for always: A DAUGHTER. Of course my granddaughter filled up that vacuum.
Daughters are always the fashion advisors for moms. I am at a great disadvantage that way with nobody to tell me what is the latest trend. That is when I miss a daughter most!
But I do have friends’ daughters giving me grooming tips! What to buy. What is in. What should go with what.
I am that ‘fair & lovely’ girl who never used another day cream in my life. At night sometimes if I would remember, the good old Ayurvedic Kumkumadi tailam which is oil actually. Nothing more. When I started an anti-ageing cream in my 40s, a friend asked me to stop it because anti-ageing formula is addictive to the skin. Its also expensive. You have to keep feeding your skin the lotions lifelong. I immediately gave that up and moved to simple moisturizers mostly from Bodyshop. Why Bodyshop? Because their products are vegan, for no other reason. Plus supposedly organic.
Friend’s daughter said that was not enough. She said I had to start using vitamin c serum. It was she who put me on that routine – after I crossed into my 50s! Seriously never knew of this basic skin care idea! Then one day I applied the serum and went out in the desert sun. When I told her she was appalled! ‘Aunty you can’t do that!’ Your facial pores will be open on vitamin c application and you will be tanned like tar!’ It was too late and the damage was done! I was under direct sun with vitamin c serum for hours for continuous 2-3 days when there was national holiday. By fourth day my skin looked beyond repair. It took months to get back my normal tone. Its from that day I started googling about skin care – or if I started a new routine. You needed to know the followups and the do’s and don’ts. Now I go as per her advice: vitamin c + moisturizer + spf cream for sun protection even if I am home and for the evenings too because we have radiation from our phones and laptop monitor. I can’t believe I wasn’t even aware of this fundamental skin care until I hit my half century! Well, that’s what we need a daughter for! But I hope my coconut oil applications for decades and healthy skin maintenance the natural way have somewhat helped me even if I failed to keep up with the chemical skin care routine of the modern world. If not for this girl, I would have never bought a vitamin c serum in my life! But then, none of my school friends use one either! They won’t listen to me either and condemned my recommendation to the backburners of their mind! They don’t have to. They are all beauties without any of this extra attention to grooming.
My friend’s daughter also took one look at my eye bags and dark circles and recommended certain brands of under-eye creams. I follow her advice but I also apply aloe vera fresh gel plucked from my plant. On and off I would use the aloe vera extract straight on my face and neck along with honey. For de-tan or tan removal, I used to mix lemon juice in honey or simply rub a tomato slice on to my face. Mostly I have followed natural methods only so far. But on taking special care of my eye bags, I see a lot of improvement. Its slow progress but its happening.
On my ex friends’ gang’s insistence I once tried Keratin straightening. But when I googled it, I was shocked to discover that the chemicals in the treatment included formaldehyde which is a toxic carcinogen. I stopped forthwith plus I hated the straight hair and missed my frizzzzzzzz!
My friends’ daughter asked me to avoid shampoos with paraben and sulphate. So I dropped all the global brands and settled mostly for Bodyshop again. Two years back the girl asked me to quit Bodyshop so I did! Introduced me to Sephora where I never gave ample business! Before she spoke about them, I never even noticed the Faceshop or Mac honestly! She recommended coffee in everything! Coffee base for under-eye cream. Coffee for hair, everything coffee coffee coffee for an already hyper coffee lover! So I switched over to Herbal Essence coffee (shampoo)!
Just today the brat said I can’t be using shampoos with di-sodium EDTA and tri-sodium EDTA and perfume in my shampoos when I picked up a coffee shampoo from Watson’s. I got confused. Because, I never knew that shampoos contained perfumes in them! She put back whatever I took in the basket and gave me what she thought was safe! I put back what she selected for me from the store reading the price tag! The girl then asked me to get Husk from Lulu then that would fit my budget! Still the price is 30 riyal which is 10 real more than the 19 riyal Herbal essence! But considering her valuable inputs and health advice, I shall consider her recommendations!
The young lady also suggests a complete overhaul of my skin care routine but I said a big NO! This is more than enough for me! I am still happy with the Oud from the souq that I buy for 40 riyal. I have never bought a Burberry or Armani in my life! Only in last 2-3 years I am for the spray. I like the mild Marks & spencers ones. Never otherwise used perfumes. The girl admits the perfumes through our nasal breath enter our systems and affect the cell molecules. A chief reason for increasing infertility in women is this.
Anyway, passing on this tip when it comes to shampoo selection: check the constituents. I used to check for paraben and sulphates. Now I must also ensure that my shampoo also won’t contain the so=called di sodium EDTA and tri sodium EDTA and perfumes – besides parabens and sulphates ! These toxic chemicals are supposedly carcinogens.
My friend’s daughter recommended Nathabit from India, the Ayurvedic brand. Of course I got just that without knowing about it this time from Chennai. I got their lip balm and body moisturizers. I am loving them. For undereye cream as well, this time I got everything from India – all Ayurvedic products. In India, I always opt for Ayurvedic range.
I am also blank on fashion front. I check what is the latest and go for whatever. When we go shopping together, the kid dismisses most of my selections and picks up something for me. Priceless! Or if I want a suggestion she gives me. I really miss a daughter terribly in my life who could give me so much of grooming advice! What colour to choose, what to wear, how to take care of your skin, what is the latest picture, what is going on in Chennai, where to eat etc. I love the ice cream recommendations from here. Sorry can’t still recall the names. Will update soon. We don’t get that in India as yet. Heaven! I really don’t even know the cars of the city these days. I noticed the MG for the first time only this year after the girl got it. Yeah she drives an MG in India! My friends’ daughters are all queens! Until she told me I wasn’t aware that we have this car in Chennai!
When our only kid chooses to live abroad, this is what parents lose. Information on the latest trends. Mobile phones – we simply buy the latest on the scene, that’s all. From fitness to food ideas, cinemas to holidays, from giving us moral support to being ours for our lifetime, daughters are such a dependable pillars to families. Especially mothers.
I owe a lot to my friend’s daughter who is also like my own. Otherwise who will try to spruce the clumsy me up! I am popular for choosing wrong colours and mismatching accessories!
When we spend our time with the younger generation, we feel refreshed. Our mind is free. A daughter’s love can be so heartwarming.
Rounding off with my favourite song. My granddaughter is a blessing like none other. She fills such a huge gaping hole of vacuum in our lives with the sparkle of her presence.
Eternal Sunshine: beauty of an Indian mother
How beautiful must a woman be. NEVER LIKE MIRANDA sorry. My kind of beauty is HER: beautiful, radiant, proud, full of love and affection. She is the classical Indian beauty, dusky, purposeful, traditional, sacrificing, committed and dedicated to the family, quietly confident and accomplishing. Her crown is the award that life bestows on her. You don’t have to hit the salon or carry the right purse or wear the perfect evening gown. You don’t have to ‘belong’ in the right circle. You don’t have to be Ash or Sush. You are just who you are but you have a sense of purpose about you – you are behind the screens and you let your family go on and win in the stage. You score where it matters. May god gift her son all success!
Gary Kasparov, the world chess champion from my teens, shares Praggnanandha pictures with his mother.
Bone health for Indian seniors
Flew into Dallas from Doha where we had to transit for the next flight in five hours. Alighting from QA flight I noticed dozens of wheelchairs awaiting passengers. I wondered, whether there had been as many super seniors or senior citizens in the flight or whether I missed something. Doha/Dubai transit flights to the US almost always are full of Indian passengers. On previous occasions I have flown straight to Washington DC, Seattle and Miami. From nowhere I could recollect such a big bunch of attendants with wheel chairs waiting for passengers at the nexus of the aerobridge with the flight exit. In that small niche were cramped dozens of wheelchairs as men and women jostled up for space. I lost count after mentally picking up twenty minimum, lugging my cabin bag. It was time for immigration. Here I caught up with the wheelchairs finally for finer details. Around thirty of them, all for senior Indian citizens who had flown in probably to their children’s homes in Dallas. Texas boasts of very high number of Indian immigrants vast majority of who are IT professionals. Explains. Dallas especially is heavily populated with ethnic Indians. I am 53 myself and wondered whether I would end up in that special queue for wheelchair passengers some of who seemed as young as sixty. It was a disconcerting feeling to note that both Indian men and women, probably grandparents, had no general health and specifically knee strength to board long flights or stand waiting in serpentine immigration queues. It took us one hour. There were only two counters: one for regulars and one for wheelchairs. The third one was for American passport holders. I glanced at those who queued up in my own and noticed that there were many Caucasian women both in front of me and behind me. Quite a few of them were much older. They could have been European or British or Australian or South American/Mexican. I wouldn’t know the difference. But they were holding good. A couple of them were too old really – like in their eighties and nineties. Yet they held their forte, happily and cheerfully chatting away in French or Spanish or English or whatever. Neither can I pick up American or any other accented English. I understand only the Indian English! I could see straight away that they looked less tired from our Indian grandparents. Much older men and women from Europe/Australia or from wherever around the world could carry on not depending on wheelchair comfort. Our Indian elderly looked weakest and depleted of energy. The first onslaught could have started right with the flight food! I can understand this: from India it is more than twenty four hour flight to the US across the Atlantic or Pacific. It takes toll on the already physically unfit elderly of ours. Vegetarianism is the chief culprit behind knee damage. Most of us Indians do not want to admit to the offending truth. I run the risk as well but I cannot imagine myself touching even an egg. A couple of mothers of my son’s friends have already had knee replacement in their fifties. Many more are scheduled to go under the knife in next couple of years. Indians have inherited not only the narrowest arteries among the human race making us most vulnerable species to heart disease. We also have acquired knees and other joints with poorest strength. We have the weakest stamina that got computed into our genes after generations of shunning the red meat and limiting our food choices to vegetarianism or bare minimum meat and fish. We have the thinnest or sparse body hair. Brittle bones. Lifestyle conditions like blood pressure and diabetes are rampant among Indians mainly due to our food habits. The next almost viral complaint among us is the thyroid issue. Most of us seem to get it in our late forties or early fifties with the onset of menopause. Thyroid is a leading reason for developing other complications with our body organ functions. Is there an end to our voes. That Dallas airport scene with lines of wheelchaired Indian seniors is the reality we must face. What cannot be obtained with food nutrients can be to somewhat compensated with workouts. We can’t obviously fix our genes now. I am lagging on the physical fitness front as well. High time to return to Yoga and core strengthening and walking. I am in fact already picturing myself shortly in that wheelchair line and that scares me! No excuse for depending on wheelchair until at least you are seventy five and almost a super senior. We Indians have to rejig our daily menu to include bone strengthening minerals and add supplements to our routine if required. Quality of life is as much important. Physical independence also is quality of life that we must never compromise on. Screening for bone density must be annual and regular feature of masters checkup along with mammograms and pap smears and treadmills.
MTP of a Cleft fetus.
Had an interesting and educative discussion on women’s health today with a very young and bright gynecologist related to me. Things came to settle as expected around MTP that none of us women can miss. Recently a fetus that was 30 weeks (5 months) was medically terminated (legally) for cleft lip and palate (one complete side) by the parents. Three back to back surgeries could have reportedly corrected the disfiguration. But the would-be parents being medicos themselves were aware of the far reaching consequences of anomalies in fetus. They opted for MTP when there was still time when the ultrasound scan and other reports came in. It was a long and hard decision. By the way, the baby was a girl (revealed to the parents for medical reasons). The ethics of the matter is worth introspecting. I am precisely pro-choice for this matter. In an era when bulimia is getting rather too common among teens and girls are selling their precious eggs for a silicon implant, why blame the parents for MTP. Birthday and wedding anniversary gifts for the middle-aged women nowadays come in the form of dermal fillers and liposuction packages. How can women obsessed with their body or beauty routine have a moral right to talk about pro-life. Period. The parents were thinking about the emotional and psychological fallout of the girl baby in her teens, if allowed to live. Its worth admitting that an overwhelming majority of parents would have retained the baby opting for the corrective surgery. Such a sad day.
Fecundity.
Fecundity: very much in media these days that I have missed all these years. Having not heard of the word, we women may still be already familiar with what it tries to convey. Fecundity is the ability of a woman to reproduce. It is the number of cycles she could take to conceive for instance. She need not have to carry on with the pregnancy. This reproductive ability was assessed by the shape of a woman’s hips etc., in ancient times. A woman’s childbearing capacity rested on her wide hips among other things. In our times, if I may, average Indian women who were in their twenties in the 90s, had the kind of fecundity that they could conceive in two cycles upon marriage (goes without saying that both the boy and the girl remained chaste until they wedded). This was the standard unwritten BIOLOGICAL norm in my generation. Hyper or Hypo thyroid, Polycystic Ovaries (PCO), Fibroids in Uterus etc., were unheard of. That happened to one in a million. We girls mostly attained puberty from our 12th to 14th year. Our menopause happens between our 48th to 54th years. We have had the longest fertility span. Mostly married in the 90s, from 10 to 12 months upon marriage the first child was born to my generation women depending on the women’s cycles. So that, almost all of us celebrated our first wedding anniversary with our newborn. Now this fecundity is what is waning in Indian women. Fertility has taken a big hit. Invitro Fertilization (IVF) is omniprevalent. India also is global hotspot for surrogacy. In fact now we have since the next level of IVF in our fertility centers. Just like our crops do not show yield without the spray of chemical fertilizer, the present generation women are unable to reproduce without external help. A good majority of India’s children are now conceived on petri dishes. How strange but what a sad truth. Our younger women are having menarche too early by their 9th or 10th year. Fertility runs a very short course is over once they are into their forties. In my mother’s generation, fecundity was one cycle mostly. In our generation we were already working women with a bit of stress as we had to juggle family life with a career. Plus we were the last gen joint family couples. Two cycles of fecundity is understandable. But our work stress was never unmanageable as that of today’s youngsters. We women of ’90s worked for banks or schools. India was not yet the world’s back office. Our software boom was still in the horizon. The IT industry to my knowledge, with its sedentary lifestyle and work culture promotion, did the present generation in. Fertility in India DROPPED big time like never before. The government need not have to be worried about family planning any more or population control. Stress is underscored to be the major contributing factor. Whatever. I have one more thing to say about today’s younger people. In their material pursuits, they don’t take better care of themselves. Those in their 20s sometimes look listless, tired and older to us aunties in our 50s. We are fitter, agile, emotionally mature and competent than our children even if our children could be making loads and tons of USELESS money. Finally what is this money for. When you miss the marriageable age, the reproductive age, earn in lakhs in your twenties that you can spend ten lakhs per cycle at the IVF center, what is the point. There are couples who have spent for at least 3 to 4 cycles which means they had to shell out thirty to forty lakhs to conceive a baby. Of course, even this fertility treatment is commercialized in India that we have now have low cost IVF centers to cater to the lower middle class budget. Their authenticity and reliability could remain unverified. Thirty years back, none of us women thought that we were having a gift and we could be the last generation when a majority of us women could be conceiving naturally without medical assistance. In our generation, our headache was always unwanted pregnancy which kept us on our toes. Change in dietary habits also stated to be a reason for decline in fecundity in women.
PS: This post on fecundity is about women’s ability to reproduce. There is also a male factor responsible that I have not dealt with as it is out of scope of this post.
Breastfeeding Awareness.
World Breastfeeding Awareness Week is observed from August 1st monday until today August 6th. Stepped into government’s Children’s Hospital ICH, Egmore (Neonatal) (Institute for Child Health & Hospital For Children) for the very first time in my life where the newborns are housed along with the pre-terms (pre-matured) fighting to make it the big world outside, from their incubators hooked to beeping machines. Young mothers nurse their babies as expectant mothers wait for their delivery. The entire place is buzzling with activity and the corridors are thronged by women of all ages. Yet in the chaos, there seems to be some orderliness. For, I never expected a state run hospital to be so good and efficient and clean. But I should have. I have after all in my younger years gone for procedures at Health centers that were neat and hygienic. And their services were FREE. My house-help delivered her pre-term baby boy here in Egmore hospital where he was well cared for, and having made it successfully to the world from the incubator, he is now working for an IT company. He is the first time graduate of his entire family. This is one family having benefited from government subsidies. People question about reservations and subsidies. I don’t because, I see all the time how the concessions have helped transform and build lives. Before I proceed any more, I have to express my sincere appreciation and gratitude for the serving medical professional who mooted the breastfeeding awareness campaign as well as the nursing stuff for nurturing young lives and rekindling hopes in mothers with their babies in incubators.
What is positivity, what is it about making others REAL happy. You only have to step into places like these to know what is life all about. Everytime a baby from the incubator makes it to the real world the nursing staff dance. And that is the dance. Everytime a breastmilk donor gets the milk bank a sachet for a baby in distress, the staff sing and whistle welcoming the literally large hearted and generous mother for her very noblest charity.
Most mothers feel low even after they become grandmothers should they not have breastfed their babies to the best of their ability. I met mothers who shared this sentiment in their 50s and 60s sounding as though they had delivered just a week or month earlier! Their anguish at not having fed their babies to their heart’s content still makes them feel guilty. I do share such an emotion myself for having been a working mom in the 1990s when we did not have breast pumps at least in India. So when women returned to work, breast milk would end up getting emptied into the ladies room washstand. On the other hand some mothers simply did not produce enough lactation. Their babies were on formula feed within a month.
Working conditions are a lot improved in the private sector these days with prolonged maternity leave of upto one year on loss of pay basis to encourage breastfeeding and boost mother-newborn bond. Corporates in last ten years allow women stepping out twice a day for an hour to breast feed their babies.
One of the physicians who took to the dias explained how even having guests could distress the babies and affect the oxytocin produced by the mother which went a long way in helping produce lactation. Stress is an important factor that hampers lactation in mothers. Human psychology and emotions affected our harmones. The bond that must be established between the mother and the newborn gets disturbed and delayed. This was cited as one scientific reason for low level or lack of lactation in some women.
The celebration today was about felicitating mothers who donated their extra milk to the milk bank in the city. This comes to the rescue of mothers not lactating sufficiently or to those babies in the incubators who cannot be formula-fed. I have heard of milk banks earlier but to be seeing real donors and interacting with young mothers and learning of the facilities proved to be very informative and educative. I was toying whether to write about this biological phenomenon about women or miss it. I decided to go for it because, the motive of the campaign is first to spread the word. And we must do it by all means. Some of us women represented NGOs and we gave away nutritional food hampers to new mothers that can aid in lactation.
The nursing staff were very enlightening and entertaining at the same time. In my school days a girl named Ruksana would perform Villuppaattu but today the sisters of the hospital did just that informing the crowds how to save milk and make it fit and usable for other newborns in need. This could save many young lives.
This wonderful young mother of a 4.5 month old baby boy told us that she has so far donated over 30 liters of human milk to the milk bank in the hospital. We gave her a standing ovation. Her target is 100 liters. And she is an IAS officer. She said, the cooperation of the spouses, the parents of the mother and the in-laws have a role to play in enabling women to come forward for donating milk. Milk bank is not strange and breast milk donation is not taboo. Like blood donation, human milk donation goes towards saving and nurturing lives. Just the way the blood rejuvenates within hours of donation in the case of the blood donor, the breast milk too is rejuvenated as easily. There is no loss of milk or drop in lactation for the donor’s baby. That’s the point. Breast pumps are available to milk in the extra milk. There are NGOs who run flying squads to collect the milk in time (which means immediately), run a battery of tests to rule out contamination, then preserve it (or freeze it) so that the milk can be warmed for use when necessary. They literally call it the ‘thanga dravam’ (golden liquid) in Tamil. I can’t find a better word for mother’s milk.
I understand that in chillier weather, breast milk can be stored at room temperature for two to four hours. My own granddaughter was fed the milk pumped from breast from two to six months. In tropical climate like India’s, quicker refrigeration is necessary and the shelf life of the milk is extremely limited. Milk collection also takes time given the traffic. So that is where the flying squad NGOs step in. Their tagline is ‘step up breastfeeding’ and they go out of the way to procure milk from mothers to make it available to needy babies. Really just listening to their awesome service shook me to the roots. Most of these good samaritans are actually men!
There are nobler ways to grow as an individual, evolve into a better human and make people happier bringing them peace. We can gift fellow humans LIFE. The potential to fulfil these divine aspirations is there is every one of us.
About fifteen young mothers were felicitated for their timely breastmilk donation to the milk bank that helps sustain young lives. The mothers came from all backgrounds: from working girls to housewives and blue collar workers. Interestingly they were accompanied by their husbands who they said, did n’t mind staying awake in the night hours to pump the breast milk, to sterilize the feeding bottles, to store/freeze the milk for donation or sometimes even deliver at the milk bank in the hospital. India needs men of this kind.
The director who spoke underscored the importance of breastfeeding. Colostrum or the first breastmilk of mothers is very vital for babies as it contains valuable nutrients that can give the newborns immense immunity. The babies’ physical and mental health (IQ) improves. Breastfeeding babies at least three to six months keeping out the formula feed is a must. Donor mothers and the medicos and the nursing staff said one thing in unison: that there is nothing called NO-LACTATION. They said it is knack to get lactation and the mothers must be primed right from pregnancy as to how to not be tempted to go in for formula at the drop of the hat. The secret lay in persistence, never giving up.
As mothers, as grandmothers it is our duty to spread the news about breast milk donation and the breastmilk bank. The Milk bank is operational at ICH in the last nine years. It is now procuring close to four hundred liters of milk which is a very healthy figure. It goes a long way in feeding pre-term babies fighting for their survival in the warmth of the incubators. And other newborns whose mothers are not able to lactate for various reasons.
I am here talking about the milk bank with ICH only. No idea on private maternity homes. I understand that the obstetricians are in a convincing position to affirm to the donor mothers on the importance of breastmilk donation. Finally it all boiled upto them. Is there anything Chennai does not have? Blood banks, Sperm banks, Milk banks and Placenta or Umbilical Cord banks. Yet if anything has a dearth of donors, it is the milk bank.
Quality time. I have to thank my club for giving me exposure to hitherto unexplored grounds. Even as a mother and grandmother I needed to know better. Its not just about charity, its about our mindset. I have been personally involved in some private charities, but working in tandem with a group is another level. This way we come across altogether new aspects of life and needs for assistance. We can tap into genuine and worthy causes,
Really impressed with the Dean who spoke without batting his eyelid on breastfeeding. Kudos. He was to the point. Never made us women squirm. On the other hand I felt most respectful towards him. He has been delivering in detail on breastfeeding for a week now. Women feel comfortable with him. It is good to be told that a woman’s breasts are the ‘Akshaya Patra’ for newborns and the more you give, the more the mothers lactate. The milk never depletes or recedes just like, lighting a thousand diyas from a single diya (lamp) will not kill the flame or glow from the donor diya. You cannot explain milk donation better.
My ladies have no qualms about talking openly about breast milk and sharing their very private motherhood stories in public. I understand what openness really means. What maturity of a society is all about. And how there are REAL avenues to work on with people and help them in their lives if we truly care. MISSION BREASTFEEDING. May every mother pitch in so that our babies stay off formula feed for at least upto their first birthday.
Angaheenam.
About to extract a couple of teeth and get a bridge. I left an infection unattended as we had back to back lockdowns on pandemic for which I am paying a heavy price today. But its okay. There is a remedy at least. Even so, I couldn’t stop obsessing about my front tooth – yah sadly its right in the lower front of all places 😦 – that i have had since teething. Just losing my healthy teeth for no reason made me conscious of it for the very first time. Last couple of days I am going to the mirror and checking and checking my teeth and I find them strong ironically. Case of building strong, basement weak 😀 Then I pushed the thoughts of self pity out of my mind as I remembered the breast cancer patients who get their breasts hawed in pretty younger age. My beautiful willowy working aunt wasn’t even my age when she had her right one chopped. She was more upset about baring her chest to a male surgeon, coming from a very conservative family. The mastectomy was only her second concern. Once she understood it would be a life saver for her, she went under the knife wholeheartedly. She in fact has had a double mastectomy and double knee replacement. But she has a tremendous willpower. After her first mastectomy, she was on leave for a month that happened to coincide with her summer vacation. From the second month she would take a bus to her chemotherapy and radiation sessions and head straight to her school where she was teaching board X girls! Twenty five years later, the cancer has relapsed for a second time and has caught her in the esophagus. A double time covid survivor as well, my aunt just completed a course of forty radiations in the wrong side of her seventies. When I went to her straight from airport this May, she was the one who made the filter coffee for me. Her spirit is my greatest inspiration. Her first surgery was a neat job. Her second was hastily done up. It was then she cried, and never for anything before. She said, the surgeon botched up with his sewing because probably he did not even consider her a woman. She was just a blob of flesh for him to chop and stitch up. There was such a lack of aesthetics that my aunt for the first time in her life, felt like a freak She felt as if she was denied her rightful dignity. I could see the difference between both sides of sutures. The second one was a patch work done poorly. It revealed the heart of a very cold man. Every one has a soul including women with breast cancer in their sixties and seventies. Surgery may be basically butchery, yet we women are not the cattle to go under the blade. I do now get it how my aunt must have felt all those years back, having to forego her breast. But she would dismiss my concerns and tell me that she wanted to live long for the sake of her children. And if her breasts would come in her way, she would rather have them chopped without regrets. I do get the import of her words of conviction. What is that with losing a couple of frontals. Its okay. I have to have many loud laughs with my granddaughter. I have to guffaw at the jokes cracked by my family. Yet this word ‘anga heenam’ keeps haunting me as I run to the mirror to check my front tooth for the nth time. Something that’s been with me for 50+ years will be history. My heart goes out to women who throw out their breasts and wombs so that they can live for their families. The presence counts. The presence is what matters. The husbands who love their wives with their chopped breasts, with one breast with the pair gone – these great men merit a standing ovation. Anga heenam – losing a body part, an internal or external organ, can take a big emotional toll on women.
A friend who was mother of my son’s school friend, died of breast cancer. She opted out of mastectomy by will and settled for chemotherapy and radiation so that she would not be disfigured. But the relapse happened too quick. And she regretted to me having to pay with her life for putting vanity first over health security. A small tooth extraction can give us so much gyaan!!! Even the menopause is not easy on us women. Something with us for over 40 years just ceases one fine day. We know it is a biological cycle and it has to happen at the right time for our own sake. The hot flushes, the mood swings omg… I wonder why god made us women into complicated creatures. As my friend says, even the responsibility for anything lies with women as our reproductive organs lie within whereas for men it is external.
Kudos to women in 50s, two of who I know being mothers of my son’s school mates, who had to get both their knees replaced too very early.
Strangely I remember this from my working days after years, years…
There was this secretary to chairman. I was at that time a new appointee, youngest in my workplace. Anyway someone had already whispered in my ears that the stunning lady in her forties was a breast cancer survivor. One day she came to say ‘hi’ to me as I was a fresher. Then suddenly she reddened and told me, ‘i may have removed my breast but my ovaries are intact.’ The woman had had breast cancer in her twenties. She was single. She was such a looker. I got bewildered by her outburst. I told a girl who had joined with me what the woman had told me. I think the young me had sparked an envy in her. I never told another soul about this again. For days what she said was ringing in my ears. I understood her aching even though I was unmarried then. My heart goes out to her even today.
I kind of was also thinking of men who bodyshame women when they have not-so-pretty and duskiest daughters, skinny wives. These have to be monsters to make a meal out of women’s souls. My take is that, insufficient men find an urge to belittle women who are too good for them.
The breast cancer women who removed their breasts were most beloved to their husbands, as I bear witness to their happiest fulfilled lives. The men did not seek pleasure out of turn. The anga heenam can be in our body, but not in our minds. That is the point.
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. We WILL always remain beautiful to the deserving ones in our lives, the worthiest of our love.
vijiravindran's 