Posted in food as therapy...

Cleaning up as you cook…

Google is spying on you all the time, so no wonder that this article on ‘cleaning as you cook’ landed in my feed. Until I chanced upon this thing, I was hardly aware of what I have been doing since my teens.

Yes, as a motherless girl, my cooking started right in my teens. In fact even when my mother was around, in my pre teens, I was trained to cook basic minimal south Indian food such as Idli/Dosa, rice, sambhar (with lentils) and vegetable dishes. The truth is, this is by no means simple meals! All these are detailed cooking procedures but viewed as trivial in our homes! By 10-12, I could not only cook up a little but was also aware of safety precautions with regard to heat and fire. We in our Indian kitchens have to deal with deep frying and shallow frying in direct fire. Also our cooking methods involve a lot of dry grinding, wet grinding of spices. Pressure cooking is integral with dals. As little girls we got introduced to cooking gradually by our grandma. It was the norm in those days. In my case, it was a must. This was because my mother was a working woman, a teacher, who had to leave home by morning 7.15. Same for Puja rituals. Mother also made sure every monday evening and thursday evening I washed out/mopped the entire puja room and did the kolam and got the puja ready for next day ritual early in the morning. Puja in those days was before she left for school. We little girls would be already bathed, dressed in school uniform and sitting in puja. After mother left for school, we had to learn our own lessons. Nobody taught us. I was also from under 10 years of age taught Sanskrit shlokas at home first and foremost by my mother who gave us annual assignment during the summer hols. The schedule was to get one sloka completely byheart. One stanza per day was the easy way we did it. That’s how I learnt many shlokas but have forgotten most now, having lost touch. I think my mother who lived a very short life did better parenting than me! Looking back, I am proud of the 13-14 year girl that I was when she left us forever. I was already resilient and responsible and dependable and more than all independent in most ways.

Cleaning as I cooked came naturally. When you lose your mother in your 13th year, you become the caretaker woman of the family. I didn’t realize that my home was suddenly disorderly until a guest commented that ours no longer looked good like when our mother was around. And that our clothes looked crumpled. That same evening I took my father to Viveks, an electronics shop in Mylapore, to get an iron box. Organizing things became the new routine. Filing documents also became an important matter. In my age, no other girl was handling so much including family finance or paying bills like I did. Most of my friends had not still stepped into their kitchens. I payed the taxes for my father, kept bank records and other things, cooked, cleaned the home even if we had a helper and in general continued the show. I think from my 9th standard I have been shopping for my undies, clothes, shoes, bags etc., by myself. Necessity is the mother of invention that’s all. Life’s special circumstances put us in the spot. My friends say they understand me better as they started losing their parents one by one to old age. Slowly they fell in line and became good task masters – adept at running homes, and juggling career as well as family. Its just that I started earlier. They had some free time in their teens.

Back to adult life. I see sometimes even some very good or perhaps greatest cooks/women who turn out awesome cuisines in their kitchens than me poorly manage their counters. I am by no means a foodie. I cook only what is absolutely basic and nothing exotic. But I would feel the urge to pick up the scrub and wipe the table and stove hobs of unkempt kitchens of my friends. Not that my house is 100% spic and span or that I live in a posh bungalow. Maximum my flat size is only 3 bedroom (in Chennai). But I like to keep it in order. Here in middle east in my absence, once a male friend of my hubby came to cook with him. It seems he exclaimed how I stored and what I stocked was too good. I kept everything to cook up a feast in my modest kitchen. I don’t have a Michelin star kitchen. Just recently fought a battle to install a small 3 unit Ikea kitchen counter replacing old one, after years of pleading with my tightfisted hubby! My stove is over a decade old here. But any good cook won’t get lost in my kitchen, that much I can guarantee. My appliances are also highly functional and handy. That man who cooked in my kitchen that day was kind of gourmet cook! In fact he later rang me to tell me and in fact congratulate me because he never expected me to have it all in that small space. He said my kitchen was very functional and user friendly. I knew I had a good kitchen. No designer storage jars for me. At least in Chennai i have a few Tupperware. Here most of the containers are old oats tins /nestle / pickle bottles etc., transformed into kitchen storage containers! A few original jars have been acquired during sale only strictly! Middle class stories! But I take it as a great compliment to be told that my kitchen is very organized and stocked thoughtfully. Nothing fancy. I don’t bake or do laddus and jalebis. Only fundamental daily nutritious south Indian cooking. Not a thing extra.

Really feels good to know that people who clean as they cook are planners and executors for long term.

Here is this from Google:

Psychology says people who clean as they cook instead of leaving everything for the end display these 8 distinctive traits consistently

  • Micro-control in the middle of chaos. …
  • Future self protectors. …
  • Quiet anxiety managers. …
  • The “good enough” perfectionists. …
  • The “one-touch” thinkers.

May be it sounds like boasting but I realize that this description fits me aptly. Once a while I guess we can accept compliments.

Its alright to live in small 2 bhk homes. I have never lived in huge spacious homes for the simple reason that we prefer living downtown everywhere. I have also come across star rating worthy kitchens where the women of the family DO NOT OR CANNOT COOK leaving matters to their paid chefs. I would hate to do that. Of late I am asking my househelp to chip in in Chennai as age catches up with me apart from tight engagements. Also cooking from your pre teens seems to affect me peculiarly these days. It seems suddenly too boring. Yet, at times I return to my kitchen there. I have the luxury of help in my Chennai kitchen only in last few years. Otherwise I never imagined that one day I would be permitting anyone to touch my kitchen hob or handle my pots and pans. So possessive about them normally! Anyway, I think even if you have an appointed cook, the woman of the house being able to cook up for family and guests is kind of unwritten code in our families. A 5 star kitchen to me is worthless if the woman of the house has not cooked up hearty meals there for the family. I am happy with my small one even if I am by no means a foodie or gourmet chef. Just a regular housewife/mother/grandma here who would like to tap the best out of my kitchen.

2000% UTILITY VALUE – that is how I would like to describe my kitchen! Well used! By utility value, I don’t mean the usage of my kitchen by a cook/chef. My kitchen is mine first, to cook up hot spicy and heartwarming meals for my family. Whatever they may ask for even in the dead of the night, I must be able to cook for them with my own hands. That way my kitchen is not only well provided for, but also well utilized.

We say, Ma Lakshmi lives in our kitchen fires, stove, hobs. Anna Purna is our Divine Mother who gives us food. To keep the kitchen clean and organized is our duty. Wherever kitchen is not maintained, I used to notice that even their bathrooms won’t be clean. Clutter would be everywhere. Even the lives of such persons, in my view, are chaotic and disorganized. And this thing about personal hygiene. I better stop here. This I am saying without prejudice. In fact the persons may even look disheveled with not-so-crisp dressing sense. That dishevelment would be the byline about them in every area of life. Strictly on firsthand experiences dealing with this kind that I am making this statement. Most of us avoid making personal comments on disorganized people. Our well wishes are not met with approval. I realize we are not here to advise or reform anyone.

The problem is, because of our discipline, some of us get labeled as OCD cases. We can’t fit in anywhere. We get disappointed in people. We are thought of as snobbish and unfriendly (which could be true)! I go check bathrooms everywhere first and a couple of my friends poke fun of me for this obsession of mine about bathroom cleanliness. Bathrooms can be old, tiles and fittings can be old, but they must be functional and clean. I live in a 25 year old flat presently where even the plumbing is not concealed. You think these things are not connected but everything is connected in my opinion.

My engineer husband who heads projects says, he sequences the projects first in his head – like he says, we should not build the superstructure before we build the basements. There is always an order of things to follow so that you don’t end up doubling back. Same holds true of your kitchen too. In my mental map, I always store what I need to procure by way of groceries/provisions for the week or month as well as supplies such as detergents etc. I don’t need to jot down anything in a memo. I also plan a week’s menu in my head and shop accordingly. I see to that I cover all veggies in rotation over a period of time and try out different dishes with least repeats in any given short frame of time.

How to save on cooking time? All of us ladies plan our menus mentally for a week at least. I am ahead by nearly 10-15 days with my planning as most south Indian ladies are. This is because we grind the staple idli batter to everything and keep spices for ready use. Say sambhar powder or rasam powder for instance. All these we keep handy for which we plan months ahead. Not all are storebought in our homes. Then if I have to use a blender in cooking twice or thrice on a particular day, I plan the sequence in my head as well. For instance dry blending must always precede any wet grinding so that the jar stays dry for wet grinding later.Soakings must be done the previous night – for instance for channa. Its no rocket science. Just a thoughtful sequencing that’s all. Similarly we have to plan in decide on the kadai or pan/pot usage. Which to use. This is especially useful on days when we have to cook for pujas or for guests. Sequencing saves time. Of course this comes with age and experience – with practice, as simple as that.

Cooking is not gender-based responsibility. I am sorry if I have conveyed such a thought. I have a son in his early 30s who is cooking delicious meals for his 4 year daughter. Yet I don’t want to mince words when it comes to mentioning about the natural nurturing instincts that women are born with. A woman who cannot cook or is a poor cook may not have a happy married life or family life or great home. Goes without saying. Superficial people please excuse. We do have politically correct people who keep up appearances everywhere and always. I*I am no feminist. Alright call me sexist and I don’t care. Start looking around: you will find glaring examples. Its just that a kitchen is a warm place to keep the family content and united. Its THE place to start with.

Cooking means self sufficiency. Cooking is a skill. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Its healthy lifestyle. In fact eating homefood is what is luxury, not eating in 5 star restaurant. Having a clutter free home and kitchen, and clean bathrooms is basic and fundamental discipline. You organize your home, your life is organized.

For me, cooking naturally also means prior planning, planning in advance by weeks, even months at times like when we arrange for pickles, papads, jams etc., everything homemade, staying alert as to what is low stock, what needs top up, etc., that that becomes the way you function in every department of your life. You carry the discipline to whatever you do, wherever you go.

Today I have in my life , girl cousins and nieces who all could qualify for master chefs! Some of them are also professionals managing both home including kitchen and their hifi careers skillfully. Kudos to these remarkable women!

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Anyways, big hug to whoever made me reflect on my kitchen habits. I feel good about myself honestly. For me, cooking is essentially for feeding my beloved ones. Recently the help I have here had moist eyes when I asked her whether she had eaten. She comes to me after having her lunch by 3 pm. She said, nobody ever fusses over food with her like I do. She still hasn’t had anything with me, yet me asking her to have at least a chai or coffee seems to move her. At the back of our mind, we mothers always keep worrying whether someone has had food. My son tells me, how I keep irritating him asking every single time whether he has had food. Indian mothers. What else do you expect of me.

Posted in Lateral Thinking

Give them only as much as they can take.

Listening to this psychic, I am doing a lot of rethinking on so many things. Like she said, ‘POUR ON TO SOMEONE’S CUP ONLY WHAT THEIR CUP CAN HOLD.’ Anything in excess is going to overspill and go waste. I have done that mistake all my life. Its like the psychic passed on this personal message to me. Because when you lose both your parents within 25 years of your life and grow up emotionally dependent looking for a sense of security right from your teens, you end up becoming a people-pleaser. You want to get into everyone’s good book. You turn out to be the messiah. People use you without remorse. You are someone anyone can take for granted. Anyone can bullshit on you and get away unscathed. You want to keep every single tie, relationship. You don’t realize you have become the sacrificial lamb. You fill every cup that comes your way with too much of love, care, affection, respect, gratitude, loyalty that you don’t see how much of it is getting wasted, overflowing, because those into whose cup you poured your emotion cannot take that much. They are incapable of receiving so much of what you pour out, that you start looking like a fool at the end of the day. But its okay, you do everything on goodwill hoping for the best.

But what the psychic said made a lot of sense to me. She asked us to give someone only what they can take, what they are capable of receiving. Plying them with material gifts or your precious time and valuable energy and undeserved attention, consideration and respect will not give us anything in return. On the contrary you lose your significance in their life.

This is such a beautiful truth that I am having second thoughts on the benevolence I have showered lifelong on thankless people. Why, in some cases, I have even been abused in spite of being the good Samaritan. Opportunists take advantage of our kindness which is our weakness.

Its time those of us who are born with an empathetic heart rework on ourselves and set our priorities right. This is very necessary if we want to respect ourselves. This we do for our own heart, our own sanity. Its vital to align the harmless from the toxic. Make that distinction clear on warfooting basis. Anything or anyone that oversteps that boundary should hold no place in your scheme of things. Its not easy to forget old habits. People can try to win us over with emotional blackmail. Its precisely in these wavering moments that we must hold strong. A sense of peace and calm prevails in my world now after I withdrew almost totally from the social media including from most of whatsapp groups. All those reels and quotes and knowing what your peers are upto and telling them what you are upto – this kind of grind I have managed to bring to a close. Hopefully things stay this way in future.

This was in Google newsfeed today: Peak and end roles in Love. Its not just about love, its about friendships and other relationships as well. Even if we touch a peak in our ties, making memories, how they may end can make us revaluate the entire relationships averaging it all from day one to the close. It makes so much sense again because we do try to brush under carpet the good times when things go awry and want to retain the aftertaste of something gone sour even if it may hurt our senses. We cling to the bitterness, not wanting to be left with a sweet hangover. Somehow the end becomes the defining character of the whole bonding and the times we shared.

These two takes on relationships can make us reassess our own perspectives. Only when our cup is full from receiving in reciprocation, we can ever try to fill others’ cups. When ours is depleting fast from pouring out constantly to others, disappointment and resentment will settle in our heart.

Love and affection and care and mutual trust and basic loyalty and gratitude – these should be returned in equal measures. Respect and consideration must be strongly and willingly reciprocated . Inclusion is the first criterian. Don’t make someone important in your life when you are not in their list of priorities. Pour on to others just what their cup may be capable of holding and not a drop more. Save your mood, time and energy. Cut negativity in real life and practise positivity in reality.

Posted in Food For Soul

Sorry, Forgiven, Thank You & Love You.

A Pranic healer friend told me how to deal with toxic people who want to continuously bring you down or humiliate you or hurt your dignity without provocation. What is the reason for their behaviour. As a follower of the Shaktha school of philosophy I already knew the answer. They owed me one. I was getting paid by the same coin – Karma. But I also know that its quick and easy to disown that Karma. You get attached to things when you invite that sort of bad energy into your life by accepting someone’s bad behaviour by acknowledging it. What if you ignore their violation of your boundaries. You are not responsible for the way they function. You can always refuse to receive their negativity. You don’t have to react. Register but don’t respond. Stop letting their darkness cloud your brilliant light. Well, that is what I shall be trying to do in future. My Shaktha school reasoning dawned on me for the mental trauma : the Karma quotient. I understood right from the start why things happened the way they did.But now I have better clarity.

So having reckoned that I am being paid back for my past Karma, to those who I have harmed/offended in my past janam, I SAY SORRY NOW. I owed them an apology since long.

To them who are now paying me back with interest due for my past Karma with their own misdemeanour, I WANT TO SAY I FORGIVE YOU, FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME IS NOT YOUR BIDDING. ITS YOUR KARMA THAT IS CALLING THE SHOTS.

Those who for no reason hurt me, I THANK YOU FOR THE INVALUABLE LESSONS YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME WHICH ARE PART OF MY LIFE EXAM SYLLABUS IN THIS JANAM. Thanks to you I have checked that box. You have helped me complete a chapter of my janam’s assignment.

And to those who have been mean to me, I STILL WANT TO SAY I SHALL LOVE YOU INSPITE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME.

This is because I don’t want their negative energy any more in my life. I want to release them completely from my disappointment, anger, rage and avenging fury. I take back my curses and clear the slate for you. So by releasing them, I am doing myself a favour: my own Karmic cleansing. The ball is now in their court. Whether they accumulate fresh Karma or negativity is entirely upto them. But I won’t be letting their darkness dim my light anymore.

What a profound way to deal with toxicity. Everyday is a day to grow into better human. This is how we evolve into latest and updated version of ourselves. I am not my yesterday. I am my today.

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We are all connected by little Karmic dots. Nothing happens without a reason. My journey is different. I don’t want negative energy to eclipse the shining brightness of my soul. I release the EVIL. I release the NEGATIVITY. I release the TOXICITY. I flush out my own toxins. And here I am as good as new.