Tag: relationships

Posted in Lateral Thinking

Give them only as much as they can take.

Posted on by veeskitchen

Listening to this psychic, I am doing a lot of rethinking on so many things. Like she said, ‘POUR ON TO SOMEONE’S CUP ONLY WHAT THEIR CUP CAN HOLD.’ Anything in excess is going to overspill and go waste. I have done that mistake all my life. Its like the psychic passed on this personal message to me. Because when you lose both your parents within 25 years of your life and grow up emotionally dependent looking for a sense of security right from your teens, you end up becoming a people-pleaser. You want to get into everyone’s good book. You turn out to be the messiah. People use you without remorse. You are someone anyone can take for granted. Anyone can bullshit on you and get away unscathed. You want to keep every single tie, relationship. You don’t realize you have become the sacrificial lamb. You fill every cup that comes your way with too much of love, care, affection, respect, gratitude, loyalty that you don’t see how much of it is getting wasted, overflowing, because those into whose cup you poured your emotion cannot take that much. They are incapable of receiving so much of what you pour out, that you start looking like a fool at the end of the day. But its okay, you do everything on goodwill hoping for the best.

But what the psychic said made a lot of sense to me. She asked us to give someone only what they can take, what they are capable of receiving. Plying them with material gifts or your precious time and valuable energy and undeserved attention, consideration and respect will not give us anything in return. On the contrary you lose your significance in their life.

This is such a beautiful truth that I am having second thoughts on the benevolence I have showered lifelong on thankless people. Why, in some cases, I have even been abused in spite of being the good Samaritan. Opportunists take advantage of our kindness which is our weakness.

Its time those of us who are born with an empathetic heart rework on ourselves and set our priorities right. This is very necessary if we want to respect ourselves. This we do for our own heart, our own sanity. Its vital to align the harmless from the toxic. Make that distinction clear on warfooting basis. Anything or anyone that oversteps that boundary should hold no place in your scheme of things. Its not easy to forget old habits. People can try to win us over with emotional blackmail. Its precisely in these wavering moments that we must hold strong. A sense of peace and calm prevails in my world now after I withdrew almost totally from the social media including from most of whatsapp groups. All those reels and quotes and knowing what your peers are upto and telling them what you are upto – this kind of grind I have managed to bring to a close. Hopefully things stay this way in future.

This was in Google newsfeed today: Peak and end roles in Love. Its not just about love, its about friendships and other relationships as well. Even if we touch a peak in our ties, making memories, how they may end can make us revaluate the entire relationships averaging it all from day one to the close. It makes so much sense again because we do try to brush under carpet the good times when things go awry and want to retain the aftertaste of something gone sour even if it may hurt our senses. We cling to the bitterness, not wanting to be left with a sweet hangover. Somehow the end becomes the defining character of the whole bonding and the times we shared.

These two takes on relationships can make us reassess our own perspectives. Only when our cup is full from receiving in reciprocation, we can ever try to fill others’ cups. When ours is depleting fast from pouring out constantly to others, disappointment and resentment will settle in our heart.

Love and affection and care and mutual trust and basic loyalty and gratitude – these should be returned in equal measures. Respect and consideration must be strongly and willingly reciprocated . Inclusion is the first criterian. Don’t make someone important in your life when you are not in their list of priorities. Pour on to others just what their cup may be capable of holding and not a drop more. Save your mood, time and energy. Cut negativity in real life and practise positivity in reality.

Posted in Food For Soul

Inside the mind of a narcissist.

Posted on by veeskitchen

When the narcissist is calling himself ‘Ghajni’ you have to have alarm bells ringing. Who is Ghajni exactly. He was someone who invaded India, ransacked our ancient temple, razed it to the ground and pilfered our riches. So when someone calls himself Ghajni it means he has been studying you for a while, contemplating moves, educating himself on your connections, weaknesses, lifestyle, family, finance etc., with hacking tech so that he can finally swoop down on you knowing that his prey is within his grasp. The same narcissist may have attempted calling himself Sabyasachchi to some strong woman indicating that he was in the habit of identifying his victims and paying them detailed and special attention bombarding them with complements. One hint at the designer opened her eyes to the fact that he had a queue of conquests that put her on alert mode. So it is imperative to listen to the vocabulary of the narcissist.

If the narcissist is a celebrity, you can trust the matter to be even a family affair. Over 90% you can be sure that at least half of what you share is no news to the spouse. The missus is aware of what is afoot. The families are aware how this kind of thing works. In the art field, family cooperation to secure sponsors is basic. When the narcissist pulls the brake on your relationship, it means that the family has stamped down on the control saying enough is enough. It means, enough has been done for you to secure you steadfast that you won’t slip away and it is time to concentrate on next target. This bit of information I gleaned from a friend who is an avid follower of the narcissist’s art. Except for some very private or personal exchanges in the relationship, the narcissist could be already sharing your info with his wife and may be with you with her permission. This is pretty common in the life of stars that the public miss. Filmy lifestyle exactly works in this fashion as we are aware of. So right away this is for your understanding: your relationship is not privy or sacred. Every word passes on to the wife and sometimes even the social media handles especially whatsapp/signal messages may be texted by the better half of the artist. The wives allow some space to the performing artist because they would like to believe that this diversion is essential for their creativity. A very fine act of manipulation put to you to win your sponsorship. If you notice, normally the narcissists may have beautiful, gifted and blessed family life unlike yours and they may have no reason to stray. Relationships are a lie because there is no intent in the first place. They are securely and emotionally invested in their own families. This is ‘sampradhaaya’ for them. That is the exact name this practice goes by. Sponsors form the backbone for artists and the family involvement is key to achieving their financial goals.

So how to disengage from the narcissist systematically:

First of all admit to yourself that you have be misjudged issues and read people wrong. Coming out of denial is one major step when it comes to healing. Its okay for your closest circle who have been aware of the developments to be appraised that you have been shamed. You accept and move on. That admittance to self is key to resolve conflicts at mind level. We all make mistakes and no mistake is not retractable. All you have to is question the motive of the narcissist. Any financial interest already betrays the reason for the relationship that straigth away suggests manipulation.

Secondly engage yourself productively and remove yourself from petty cheap thrills and focus on actual happiness. Write more and get into social activities. For instance, even a visit to an orphanage can make you change your perspectives. Prioritize yourself. Make your happiness top on the list and the narcissist should figure nowhere in the list.

Thirdly it may come as a surprise to you that the narcissists do not even leave the reluctant ones free. Once marked, they will pursue their targets to the end of this earth. When in a relationship you suffer, there may be those who suffer without getting entangled. The constant stalking by the narcissist can also at times send you to depression. This is the way the narcissist would like to ensure that the marked person is not getting attached somewhere else. This can throw spotlight on the way a typical nar mind works.

Fourth, you will still be pursued long after leaving the relationship but keep going. Learn to take it in your stride but pay no attention. Don’t be fooled that you are exclusive or someone special. As of this moment, the narcissist may be doing this to multiple women. Whoever takes the bait falls prey.

Fifth, if you truly have an emotional need it is not wrong to go for a safe, steady, consistent, decent and lowkey soul mate but to have someone like that you must be prepared to bide your time. At least now you learn that there is no such thing called ‘love at first sight.’ Plant a seed and watch it grow slowly taking its own time. Do not work at it. When it is ripe, you will know in your heart without a declaration. Nobody in love professes love. Your situation must create the love and YOU MUST NOT BE FOUND. This is what is true love.

One dead giveaway about a narcissist is that, he would never dump you or upset you for no reason. The true love of our life will never emotionally abuse us. Someone capable of hurting us women that way can never hold love or warmth ever.

Sixth, do not feed the narcissist’s ego. Do not sponsor. Do not have common links. Do not respond/react. This shall solve 50%. the problem right away. If the victim card is played by the narcissist, IGNORE. Save your sanity and do not succumb to emotional blackmail. Lovebombing is crude and easiest way to down a weak person. Decent men never resort to this low level. If you are following a celebrity narc, switch over another artist of similar calibre to maintain your art interest. That way you sustain and nurture your art interest and stand to lose nothing.

Finally become your old former self, heal and live a happy life in front of the narcissist not giving him the satisfaction of making you sad. If you find new love, flaunt it. Even if you don’t, be happy and wear your happiness in your sleeve for the whole world to see. Regain all that you lost because of the narcissist: your self esteem, your friends, your enthusiasm, your cheer, your spirit, your ENERGY, your peace, your happiness. Make an attempt to stay real positive and put it in your daily practice.

There are women who are undergoing stress silently because of nonstop pursuit by narcissists. They are fighting a bold, brave battle for no fault of theirs. But may we become stronger with each passing day. I read somewhere that, it is not that we women lack the strength, it is just that we lack the will. NARCISSIM IS TOXICITY. Have no two thoughts on that.

But whatever it takes, do it today because our family deserves our best version. Our former natural normal self must return. We must not stay a damaged piece, carelessly hacked to bleed to death by a sadist manipulator. We owe it to ourselves and to our family our original buoyant self.

YOUR HEALING IS IN YOUR HANDS. But if you are a willing victim, be ready to sacrifice your entire energy reserves for the sake of the narcissist and lose your mind slowly. You will never be happy again in your life and that is it.

Posted in Food For Soul

Energy Vampires.

Posted on by veeskitchen

Energy vampires are narcissists who feast on your energies and decamp with all that you have to offer, leaving you high and dry. The sooner you identify the patterns and get rid of them, the better for you. Otherwise you will be footing a heavy price that can leave you shattered and take months to heal. Our energies must be reserved for our families first and our dearest friends. Love and affection don’t normally start from day three with you first brush of online sex and blossom into full relationship in three months. Anyone lovebombing you is stealing your energy. Narcissists typically identify and zero in on high energy women. Your enthusiasm is something they can draw, benefit and grow from. However narcs also get bored easily once the initial chemistry wears off. Their interests will be always short lived. You will tire them soon and they will already be looking for other preys to continually feed and fire their own ego. They will have justification for every misdeed of theirs. The self serving creative or artistic men may say that this is what keeps them going. But what about the destruction they leave in their wake. Why should gullible women be bearing their brunt when they go on and enrich their own self centered lives. You can see that the pattern will repeat itself every now and then so that the narcs hold on to you by the threads never allowing you to leave. You are a source of great energy for them and if you can supply them with free online sex and finance, it is all the more better, a blessing for them. The narcissists are not fools to let go of the goose that lays a golden egg everyday at their whim and command. If you are vulnerable and weak, you play right into the hands of the narcissists. It is upto the women to break the cycle and liberate themselves from these brandishing chains. The narcissists can leave you devastated, breaking you and making you believe that you are loved. They can emotionally abuse you. They lie, play double games and never have remorse for dumping you like soiled toilet tissue when they have no temporary use for you. They know that you are theirs whenever they may want to claim you back because they hold you by hook. In their eyes you are still trash not worthy of respect and you are too psychologically dependent. To anyone reading this I suggest, be bold and strong enough to say a big NO and walk off these killing traps. Just think of all that you have lost over months: your positive vibes, your energy, your happiness, your self confidence, your self respect, your friends, your feel good and upbeat mood. Nothing is worth our natural carefree and happy state of existence – that we took for granted before the narcissist turned our world upside down. Some damaged women can not easily return to their precious previous self. It will take them months or years to heal completely. Even so you will know that, something about you has permanently changed. You become less trusting. You become a little less happy and you brood a lot. YOU ARE NO MORE SOMEONE YOU USED TO BE THANKS TO THE NARCISSIST. Some women even get into depression. If you already booze, you are done in. This is why boundaries are important. Narcissists target women with no boundaries because it is easiest for them to steal energy from unlocked hearts.

SAY NO TO NARCISSISTS. THEY ARE TOXIC. THEY ARE ENERGY VAMPIRES. THEY DRAIN YOU AND ALTER YOUR PERSONALITY FOREVER THAT YOU CAN NO LONGER RETURN TO YOUR PREVIOUS HAPPY GO LUCKY SELF. REMEMBER YOU NEVER FELL IN LOVE WITH THE NARCISSIST BUT THE ILLUSION OF WHAT YOU WANTED THE NARCISSIST TO BE.

In today’s online world, you need to be a lot more wiser. I thank my stars for the guiding light I got keeping me away from trouble. I haven’t lost my sanity and neither am I for sharing my precious energies with unworthy kind. MY ENERGIES ARE FOR MY FAMILY AND FOR CONSISTENT, LOYAL, HONEST , DECENT AND WORTHY FRIENDS I HAVE EARNED OVER YEARS not days/weeks/months. Having said that, I still believe in Soul Mates but beware, it takes eons to form that kind of deep meaningful bonds. If you find one that grows on you quiet without having to dance and sing around trees filmy style, then you are lucky. We are all entitled to that kind of meaningful company, I don’t deny. It can do us a lot of good and improve the state of our mental health. And may be sometimes such a soul mate already exists in your life but you haven’t figured it out yet. Don’t trust the FLASHY avalanches that can excite you but carry you to deep depression. Women in late 40s and early 50s also have to factor in the menopause mood swings. This could be a reason for women to fall easy prey to narcissists. Truth is a bitter pill to swallow.