When the narcissist is calling himself ‘Ghajni’ you have to have alarm bells ringing. Who is Ghajni exactly. He was someone who invaded India, ransacked our ancient temple, razed it to the ground and pilfered our riches. So when someone calls himself Ghajni it means he has been studying you for a while, contemplating moves, educating himself on your connections, weaknesses, lifestyle, family, finance etc., with hacking tech so that he can finally swoop down on you knowing that his prey is within his grasp. The same narcissist may have attempted calling himself Sabyasachchi to some strong woman indicating that he was in the habit of identifying his victims and paying them detailed and special attention bombarding them with complements. One hint at the designer opened her eyes to the fact that he had a queue of conquests that put her on alert mode. So it is imperative to listen to the vocabulary of the narcissist.
If the narcissist is a celebrity, you can trust the matter to be even a family affair. Over 90% you can be sure that at least half of what you share is no news to the spouse. The missus is aware of what is afoot. The families are aware how this kind of thing works. In the art field, family cooperation to secure sponsors is basic. When the narcissist pulls the brake on your relationship, it means that the family has stamped down on the control saying enough is enough. It means, enough has been done for you to secure you steadfast that you won’t slip away and it is time to concentrate on next target. This bit of information I gleaned from a friend who is an avid follower of the narcissist’s art. Except for some very private or personal exchanges in the relationship, the narcissist could be already sharing your info with his wife and may be with you with her permission. This is pretty common in the life of stars that the public miss. Filmy lifestyle exactly works in this fashion as we are aware of. So right away this is for your understanding: your relationship is not privy or sacred. Every word passes on to the wife and sometimes even the social media handles especially whatsapp/signal messages may be texted by the better half of the artist. The wives allow some space to the performing artist because they would like to believe that this diversion is essential for their creativity. A very fine act of manipulation put to you to win your sponsorship. If you notice, normally the narcissists may have beautiful, gifted and blessed family life unlike yours and they may have no reason to stray. Relationships are a lie because there is no intent in the first place. They are securely and emotionally invested in their own families. This is ‘sampradhaaya’ for them. That is the exact name this practice goes by. Sponsors form the backbone for artists and the family involvement is key to achieving their financial goals.
So how to disengage from the narcissist systematically:
First of all admit to yourself that you have be misjudged issues and read people wrong. Coming out of denial is one major step when it comes to healing. Its okay for your closest circle who have been aware of the developments to be appraised that you have been shamed. You accept and move on. That admittance to self is key to resolve conflicts at mind level. We all make mistakes and no mistake is not retractable. All you have to is question the motive of the narcissist. Any financial interest already betrays the reason for the relationship that straigth away suggests manipulation.
Secondly engage yourself productively and remove yourself from petty cheap thrills and focus on actual happiness. Write more and get into social activities. For instance, even a visit to an orphanage can make you change your perspectives. Prioritize yourself. Make your happiness top on the list and the narcissist should figure nowhere in the list.
Thirdly it may come as a surprise to you that the narcissists do not even leave the reluctant ones free. Once marked, they will pursue their targets to the end of this earth. When in a relationship you suffer, there may be those who suffer without getting entangled. The constant stalking by the narcissist can also at times send you to depression. This is the way the narcissist would like to ensure that the marked person is not getting attached somewhere else. This can throw spotlight on the way a typical nar mind works.
Fourth, you will still be pursued long after leaving the relationship but keep going. Learn to take it in your stride but pay no attention. Don’t be fooled that you are exclusive or someone special. As of this moment, the narcissist may be doing this to multiple women. Whoever takes the bait falls prey.
Fifth, if you truly have an emotional need it is not wrong to go for a safe, steady, consistent, decent and lowkey soul mate but to have someone like that you must be prepared to bide your time. At least now you learn that there is no such thing called ‘love at first sight.’ Plant a seed and watch it grow slowly taking its own time. Do not work at it. When it is ripe, you will know in your heart without a declaration. Nobody in love professes love. Your situation must create the love and YOU MUST NOT BE FOUND. This is what is true love.
One dead giveaway about a narcissist is that, he would never dump you or upset you for no reason. The true love of our life will never emotionally abuse us. Someone capable of hurting us women that way can never hold love or warmth ever.
Sixth, do not feed the narcissist’s ego. Do not sponsor. Do not have common links. Do not respond/react. This shall solve 50%. the problem right away. If the victim card is played by the narcissist, IGNORE. Save your sanity and do not succumb to emotional blackmail. Lovebombing is crude and easiest way to down a weak person. Decent men never resort to this low level. If you are following a celebrity narc, switch over another artist of similar calibre to maintain your art interest. That way you sustain and nurture your art interest and stand to lose nothing.
Finally become your old former self, heal and live a happy life in front of the narcissist not giving him the satisfaction of making you sad. If you find new love, flaunt it. Even if you don’t, be happy and wear your happiness in your sleeve for the whole world to see. Regain all that you lost because of the narcissist: your self esteem, your friends, your enthusiasm, your cheer, your spirit, your ENERGY, your peace, your happiness. Make an attempt to stay real positive and put it in your daily practice.
There are women who are undergoing stress silently because of nonstop pursuit by narcissists. They are fighting a bold, brave battle for no fault of theirs. But may we become stronger with each passing day. I read somewhere that, it is not that we women lack the strength, it is just that we lack the will. NARCISSIM IS TOXICITY. Have no two thoughts on that.
But whatever it takes, do it today because our family deserves our best version. Our former natural normal self must return. We must not stay a damaged piece, carelessly hacked to bleed to death by a sadist manipulator. We owe it to ourselves and to our family our original buoyant self.
YOUR HEALING IS IN YOUR HANDS. But if you are a willing victim, be ready to sacrifice your entire energy reserves for the sake of the narcissist and lose your mind slowly. You will never be happy again in your life and that is it.
vijiravindran's 