Thrown out of my spiritual school for listening to other spiritual gurus’ podcasts in you tube. In lowest spirits. Pulled up for being openminded. Confused and dazed since crossing over to the 4th dimension in last 3 months; having my reality changed overnight; imagine Divine Mother to who nothing matters other than showing me all the time She is there for me…
Divine Grace chooses you, not the other way. I have not even done Kali sadhana. I have done two posts on how Ma Kali has made an appearance in my life. Last night was as usual. Woke up midnight to use the washroom. REturning back to bed, was surprised to note that I had been chanting Kali Gayatri unconsciously. I don’t know for how many minutes or how long I did that.I picked those two verses from You tube honestly more than a couple of years back. Those 2 lines stuck to my mind.
I recalled the last time I chanted Kali Gayatri in front of Badra Kali, in the Prathyangira temple at Sholinganallur (OMR-ECR connecting road), Chennai. And Ma Kali ended up giving me Vishwaroopa darshan in my vision. So now I made a silent plea to Her to stall (yes) as it was midnight, just in case She wanted to come to me. Sleeping is difficult for me these days as the moment I close my eyes, I am flooded with visions. I have to tire myself out and my eyes have to shut in sleep on their own. This is how I am going to sleep in last 3 months. Awakening is a painful experience. Its not at all cakewalk. I tried the same trick of trying to tire myself out to go back to sleep. Just that moment I knew that Divine Ma Kali entered my body perhaps for a minute or so. I have earlier heard of Ma Varahi entering a friend’s friend’s body in similar fashion – in daytime, in a temple. I just knew Ma was within me. It was like I had sleep paralysis. Suddenly I could not move a muscle. The sensation that coursed through my body I cannot put to words. But it was a good, indescribable sensation. Energy flow. Like a current is passing through your entire body or some sweet warmth is spreading head to foot. At that moment only a few words came to my mind; MA PARDON ME OF ALL MY SINS; BLESS EVERYONE. I had only that much time – very brief time in fact that lasted under 1 minute. In moments Ma Kali left me as quietly as She came. I felt normal then but thinking of Her grace, I feel like crying now. What did I do to deserve Her grace. I was not even Her devotee.
Not only Ma Kali, in the last 2 weeks since I got into this emotional turmoil, Ma Lalitha too showed me Her presence within me but I don’t want to share that experience here. It is like, Divine Mother in whateve way wants to show me that SHE HAS NOT ABANDONED ME even if the world may seem to have. I have nothing more to lose, nothing more to fear.
I don’t care about the obstacles i face in my spiritual path.. I am willing to wait how many janams it may take me to reach the lotus feet of My Divine Mother. She has seen me up until this. She will see me through I know now and I don’t have to think twice on that. I am human after all and I may continue to accumulate some karma good and bad, knowingly and unknowingly. Its all part and parcel of the game called Maya. But I am learning every single day.
Ma Kali is protecting me and stays very close to me ALL THE TIME. I have no words to describe how grateful I feel and how blessed I feel for Her presence in my life. Its a GIFT. No wonder She cut some cords to eliminate negativity from my life – and for Her it doesn’t matter which/what position they occupy in my life before She severs the cord; disrespect/betrayal on anyone’s part when it comes to me can result in Her cutting the cord neat and clean. I understand now wholly what transpired in last two weeks. Its HER handiwork no doubt!
I didn’t remove some posts from my blog because I didn’t want to HIDE OR ESCAPE THE MEMORY OF ANYTHING. Its also a mirror to my face to show how much I have changed with time. Humans judge you looking at your superficial body and lifestyle and YOUR PAST. YOUR PAST IS OVER. YOUR PAST IS NOT YOUR PRESENT OR FUTURE. AMMA NEVER MAKES THAT MISTAKE OF MISJUDGING YOU. MA LALITHA KNOWS ME FROM MY PREVIOUS BIRTHS AND SHE KNOWS MY HEART IN THIS PRESENT BIRTH. That’s what finally matters. Soul honesty is very important to me and apparently Amma likes that in me. To be able to live with your past and have no shame about it is itself a virtue. Not that I have done anything condemnable. I heard of Srividya Upasana ONLY by 2020. Before that I have enjoyed life with my girlfriends and have downed even a glass of wine or vodka on rarest occasions. Why hide it. What matters is how you live your life once you take up Upasana. I took mine only 4 years back. After that I am living a celibate life and I am a vegetarian anyway from birth. I gave up cakes and croissants that I thought were few luxuries that life offered me. Honestly after awakening I realize, all that doesn’t matter at all. I may not be a pro, but I think you can breach that line to 4th dimension by crossing some mental barriers such as caste, community, language, religion etc., and by reckoning that your atma has no memory, no mind, no sex, nothing. You have to leave negativity such as jealousy and hatred behind. For me, its been a learning experience for years now. I benefited from numerous online gurus who shaped and chiseled my mind day by day. I did not reach even this little far just by chanting shlokas and the right mantras. Even if I am to be mistaken for being proud I can say this: my mindset is largely responsible for me entering the 4th dimension. Unfortunately the same mindset saw to that I fell away with my primary spiritual mentor(s) who do not approve of my open mindedness. Perhaps its also Ma Lalitha’s leela as She may be thinking of moving me to High Energy circuit. Its a promotion probably who knows. If She wants vibrant circle for me, then may be She made the right move.
To what lengths my Lalitha and my Ma Kali have gone in last 2 weeks to show me that divine grace is with me… I lost my biological mother early in life. Now I have Divine Mother showing me every step, every minute that She is with me.
Life has never been fair to me. That’s all right. In this janam it is my curse to be misunderstood. I accept wholly my karma and I forgive those who erred me and prefer to forget and move on. I don’t stagnate. There is no place for negativity in my mind. As Gandhi said, I shall not allow my mind to become dustbin to store hatred and negativity. I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO WALK OVER MY MIND WITH THEIR DIRTY FEET. I CHOOSE POSITIVITY; I CHOOSE OPEN MINDEDNESS; I CHOOSE SOUL HONESTY; I CHOOSE MY MA LALITHA/KALI/MOOKAMBIKA. Period. It is my heart and soul that got me even to this threshold. I will not back down now.
Jai Ma Kali! Jai Ma Lalitha! Om Shri Matre Namaha!
vijiravindran's 