Many men do not understand this basic fact.
Women do not want to read explicit details of rape/menstruation/crimes against women/physical abuse of women/women’s body/delivery in social media, with the posts authored by men. At least this is my experience. It can be traumatic whether it happens to you or any other woman, take it from me.
I do write about these things in my very personal private blog which is not open to anybody and everybody. My footfall is very negligible with least audience. Moreover I don’t give a public discourse on women’s matters. I don’t encourage comments (I don’t get reviews) and I don’t look forward to discussing it at all with MEN (even if it may be only online). Chapter closed.
I want to strike one certain guy hard on his face for his comment/opinion on women opting for caesarian section for delivery over normal delivery. Do these men even know what women go through physiologically, psychologically, in the first place. What a callous comment. Shocked by such an insensitivity. In any case, it is a woman’s choice how she wants her body to be treated. Just like it is her right entirely how she attires.
Same holds true for rape. Why go into such a detailing. This is very disturbing. Just seeing the word again and again in print can put off women.
Consent is very important to women. I am saying this because, even at 52, whether it is in an elevator or in marketplace or wherever, I still take care that not a single man may even accidently brush against me. My friends think the same way. This is how personal we see things. This is how private women are really whatever or however others perceive of us. I hope men can elaborate on this one aspect more in future in social media. This has relevance to India especially. At least my generation women are still like the touch-me-not kind who maintain a physical distance with third persons under all circumstances. So you can imagine how we feel about our issues being laid threadbare for men to dissect and discuss so casually in social media. I do see some women posting comments. It is upto them. But frankly I don’t have such an appetite to carry these dialogues forward in public space. Simply no arguments with men on women’s delicate matters that I view to be very personal. Can we women ever bring ourselves to discuss the same way a man’s anatomy or male sexuality in open stage. No we just can’t. Never. Not even a thought in this direction.
Social media is a good platform to discuss issues, still there can be some decorum as to what extent we can openly debate women’s issues.
We girl friends do it all the time behind closed doors (and in whatsapp girls gangs etc). I grew up in a predominantly women’s world attending girls school and girls college. Even at work or otherwise, men have had very limited role to play in my life other than my family members. Very few male friends who I acquired either as a kid growing up in my neighbourhood or later in my life through family strictly or closest network of trusted friends. In actual life therefore, very limited exposure to men surprisingly still for the bold, brave talks I do here in my blog posts. So I find it extremely embarrassing that men, especially our Indian men should be debating on women’s issues so openly without a consideration to women readers. My husband says I write a lot on social issues without knowing men in real much. He views this as my greatest handicap.
We women can take care of ourselves. Appreciate male care whenever we solicit such an attention not otherwise. Day in and day out we don’t want a descriptive read on women’s biological or other issues coming from men.
Although I must admit to one thing I liked from what I read. That women are not the purported seductresses. It is equally men’s responsibility. It is good to read this one line because frequently we women blame ourselves for the way men see us. It makes us – or at least me, feel less guilty.
Finally I feel this strongly about daughters having an effect on men. I stand by my conviction. A man with a daughter is not the same as a man with only a son. I say this to my husband when he says I do not know actual men but write from my imagination. I had a very overwhelmingly protective father and also father-in-law. Loved the old world gentle care. Men with daughters I believe won’t be too very brazen on issues, especially where it concerns women. You can see a marked difference. Men with daughters are a little mellowed always.
I am still an Indian woman, an Asian woman and I uphold my Hindu Indian values up above everything irrespective of what I blog. May be self-contradictory. For the sake of family, if women have to forego/sacrifice, we Indian women are more than willing. We aspire for our family, not for individual success. If this is sexism, so be it. I am for equal women’s rights but also happen to think at the same time that women bending for the sake of family will go a long way in the family blossoming for generations as a happy lot. Finally this is what we strive for, right.That’s how our great grandmothers, grandmothers nurtured us. Family is an institution like a revered temple. Sacred. It is this institution that is falling apart in the west as women take long strides to keep up with men. In my unimportant opinion, women are free to aspire and achieve, but hopefully the casualty is not the family. This is what I want to underscore. I would still want women NOT to give up their kitchen and family even if they have to excel in whatever they do.
Quick steps to self-destruction of decent happy societies:
- Close your kitchen
- See your family fall apart
- Prosper as individual – gay, childless, single, whatever.
- Perish without leaving a heir as others take over.
Already happening in Europe and America. We don’t have to subscribe to all their views. We are good by ourselves. A little subtlety in public forum on women’s issues cannot be an excess.
Having said that, it is an individual’s prerogative as to what he wants to post in social media. He/she needs no approval from any quarter. I am well aware of this.
If anyone truly cares for women, hopefully he/she does not stop with articulating ideas but get involved instead with development work in this area. You just have to go to your nearest government run ‘balwadis’ as a first step to take a closer look at grass root level. Women doing menial jobs leaving their newborns and toddlers in state-run childcare to go to work as house maids, cooks, tailors, construction workers etc. These are the issues that need more focus. Dark matters need no publicity in my opinion. They can be dealt with as per law and discussed in some other forum over social media.
You go to your friend’s house. Who gets you the tea. At least in my case, with us girls having grown up adult kids, it is always the daughters, not the sons, who come with a steaming mug asking their mothers to continue chatting up friends. Why do I want my granddaughter to learn to cook dosa/idli – it is precisely for this reason. Life is a lot more beautiful with a daughter around. Your perceptions change.